On The 8th Day of Christmas…

I would like all public bathroom stalls to be as big as a handicapped stall, if not bigger. I don’t care how long you need to be in a bathroom stall, no one wants to be stuck in a tiny, smelly little closet where you are afraid to even unbend a limb lest you end up touching a wall or worse. There are enough people who are so fearful of using a public bathroom that they cause themselves uromysitisis. I believe that if public restrooms were more spacious people would be likely to use them more. All you ladies who seem to need to go to the bathroom together whenever you’re out could all just hang out in the stall chatting while you do your business. If public restroom stalls were bigger I could take 3 of my friends to the Men’s room to snort a little nose candy and we could all fit into one stall to do so without getting all homophobic about the close quarters. Why do they call them restrooms if no one actually ever rests in them? Not once have I seen a living person taking a nap in a restroom. This is another of the things I’ll change when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first.

19 responses to “On The 8th Day of Christmas…

  1. Do you even know why women take 3 friends with them to the restroom? If the lock is broken on the stall 2 of them guard the door while you are inside and if there is no toliet paper, the other one can run to other stalls and retrieve some for you…. that is why and now i am gonna be kicked out of the girls club for telling you that. Tawnya

  2. Years ago when I was a 19-year-old party animal working as a groundskeeper at a country club, I took a nap every day at the little restroom between the 9th and 10th holes. My boss was a guy so I knew he’d never come in there.Also, I have been in a wheelchair for 4 weeks with a broken foot and believe me, not all handicapped bathrooms are created equal. It took me 5 minutes to get out of one and another I used was bigger than my entryway!

  3. you remember that scene in the Aviator with Leonardo diCaprio in the toilet of a restaurant? He is so worried of dirt and germs he simply can’t get himself to touching the door knob to get out of there. No paper around him either. So he stays in there until someone comes in and opens the door. when i saw the movie, the people around me were laughing at this seeminlgy exaggerated scene and i was wondering “what’s SO FUNNY?” I mean, i am like that too. Let’s all hope for bigger stalls.

  4. Nice.Your totally gonna get sexiest man alive first. I just know it.

  5. The first time I came to the US, I kept asking for the toilet and people thought I was all kinds of weird…and then i also called them washrooms and people still thought I was odd. Restroom seems like worse euphemism there. No one goes in there to rest. It is STUPID. Phil for president!-N

  6. Neither have I ever seen anyone napping in a rest room! Although I did walk into the wrong bathroom once and saw a guy peeing standing up. It made me laugh that I walked into the wrong one *there was no label on the door*, and he got really embarassed.

  7. A long, long time ago, a friend of mine decided that a really cool place to live would be a high school… and that if he ever bought a high school he would take all the bathroom stalls and cut them off halfway down, so that you could sit on the john and talk to your friends who were also using the restroom at that time.This brought on the discussion of the leaner, the lifter, and the over-under…

  8. geewits- Welcome to The Phil Factor, and I don’t care how tired I am, I am not sleeping in a restroom. Of course I realize that women’s restrooms are so much nicer than mens. We’re pigs.

  9. Chloe- I’ve never seen The Aviator, but I am familiar with Howard Highes’ OCD. I was not, however, aware of yours. Thanks for sharing.

  10. Tawnya- If I see you in the men’s room I’ll know they kicked you out of the girls club.

  11. Berly- Thanks. I think that must be a more powerful position than President, but as Bill Clinton proved, you can score with the ladies from either one.

  12. Natalia- Yes, we Americans are weird. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

  13. Princess- I don’t know why that guy you walked in on was embarrassed. He should be proud. Let’s see you write your name in the snow.

  14. Tidy Bowl- Your friend is a nutjob and should be incarcerated for the protection of society. I do not want to look at or talk to others when I’m busy.

  15. Phil,Wish you could have met my friend! I haven’t seen him in a long time, but he was this hilarious off-the-wall type who had the strangest ideas. I highly doubt he would have actually bought a high school and cut off the restroom stalls halfway down. But he was one of those types who had the craziest ideas and was just all around goofy.He was hard not to like!

  16. do you ever use the handicap ‘restroom’? I do. We have a little bit of a problem around here with people resting to the point of death in public toilets! They thought the blue-lights would scare them off, but it seems that people are able to find their veins without white light – amazing ol world eh?

  17. This is so true! I hate tiny stalls! Where your shoulders are touchign the walls and you can see the shoes of the people in the stalls next to you. Yuck.

  18. My 10yold won’t even use the toilets (bathroom…restroom for our American friends) at school…she goes all day without going because they are so awful!

  19. hey where’s the christmas party?

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