I would like all public bathroom stalls to be as big as a handicapped stall, if not bigger. I don’t care how long you need to be in a bathroom stall, no one wants to be stuck in a tiny, smelly little closet where you are afraid to even unbend a limb lest you end up touching a wall or worse. There are enough people who are so fearful of using a public bathroom that they cause themselves uromysitisis. I believe that if public restrooms were more spacious people would be likely to use them more. All you ladies who seem to need to go to the bathroom together whenever you’re out could all just hang out in the stall chatting while you do your business. If public restroom stalls were bigger I could take 3 of my friends to the Men’s room to snort a little nose candy and we could all fit into one stall to do so without getting all homophobic about the close quarters. Why do they call them restrooms if no one actually ever rests in them? Not once have I seen a living person taking a nap in a restroom. This is another of the things I’ll change when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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