Last week it was revealed that sometime after the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001 the National Security Administration has been monitoring our telephone calls. Who we call, when we call, and how long we call for is all getting logged somewhere in Washington D.C. I’m fine with that, but I figure as long as it’s going on we might as well have fun with it. Now I realize that my phone calls in general are probably of very little interest to the U.S. government. I further realize that anyone who was not born in this country is probably getting their calls monitored on a very regular basis. My plan is this: I want everyone who has a friend or co-worker of Arabic descent to call up their friend and have the following conversation:
“Hey, it happened again. Hillary came over last night about 2:30 in the morning. Man was she drunk again. She said she can’t take it anymore. She said that she started this thing with George just to get back at Bill for the whole Monica thing, but George is just getting too weird. She said that Dubya actually likes to switch roles and dress up as the woman. Yeah, and then he wanted Cheney to watch. He said that Dick would join, but his heart couldn’t take it. Yeah, and he asked her to push “the big red button” again. He mentioned something about doing it on Air Force 1 next. What do you think I should tell her? How can she get out of this?”
It doesn’t matter what your friend replies. If you don’t have a friend of foreign heritage to make this call to, just go through the phone book and pick a foreign sounding name at random. That might be better. Just fire off the dialogue I’ve provided as fast as you can before you pretend that you got a wrong number. That way it might make it to the press quicker anyway. Of course, we already know the government is monitoring my blog because of all my subversive ideas, so the jig might already be up on this joke. Anyone out there want to volunteer to receive my call? I’m pretty sure if I’m calling out of the country they’ll be listening.