“Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can’t keep still
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will”
— Elton John
Apparently Elton hasn’t been hanging out in Florida lately. In the past week and a half three Florida women were killed by alligators. What?!!? That never happens, and now three times in a week?!!? Last year about this time I blogged about three people killed in about a week and a half by sharks off the coast of Florida. It sounds to me like the sharks and alligators have a bet going about who can eat the most humans. Is it just me, or is everyone starting to question the intelligence of Floridians? If one person is killed by a large animal with a mouth like a woodchipper I might consider it a fluke occurrence. If it happens twice in one week, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll be avoiding that creatures habitat for a while. Apparently if you live in Florida now you can’t go in the water and you can’t stay on land either. Oh, and Florida is hit by a hurricane at least once a year. That’s O.K. though because they need the rain, if only to cut down on the world’s largest population of gigantic insects. It sounds to me like nature is sending humans a pretty clear message about Florida: Get the hell out.
More evidence that Floridians may not be invited to the next Mensa convention is the fact that two of their major universities, the places where smart people should be, seem to revel in the infamy of Florida’s lethal pitfalls. These two universities have named their school mascots after things which routinely kill people in their state. How endearing huh? There’s the University of Miami Hurricanes and, getting more ironic by the day, the University of Florida Gators.
Hmm… I’ve successfully alienated Canada and Florida, who’s next? Oh, that’s right, Australia. Don’t worry my Aussie friends, I haven’t forgotten about you.