Category Archives: Current Events

280 Characters? For Donald Trump?!!? Yikes!

Yes, Twitter has gone and done it this time. Donald Trump brought us to the brink of a nuclear war with North Korea using only 140 characters. What he might do with 280 is mind boggling. If you’re a little confused, here’s what I’m talking about: Since it’s creation in 2006 Twitter has limited users tweets to 140 characters or less. About two weeks ago Twitter began allowing users to use up to 280 characters.

Over the years Donald has had some really interesting tweets. I wonder how they might be different if he could have said twice as much. Let’s look at a few, shall we?

with 140 more characters Trump would go on to say: Robert you can do much better than her. Like me for instance. I’m rich and handsome. Mostly rich.

with more characters he would have likely gone on to say: But the election, that’s your fault. Well, not really your fault. Mostly the Russians, but I’m in now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sad!

Given more leeway Trump would add: I’m your new God now. All bow down to me! The Bible said Jesus was the savior. Fake news!

Some of Donald Trumps tweets to Eminem after he got elected:

If Donald could have expanded his rapping repertoire he might have also said: Don’t look back cuz my hair is whack. I’m your new Prez now and my face is orange you’re a washed up rapper who…shit, nothing rhymes with orange. Covfefe! 

With more characters available he later went back and edited the tweet to say: I don’t understand irony. My grandparents weren’t immigrants because they bought Manhattan and gave it to me. 

Not too French? Apparently Donald isn’t overly familiar with our neighbors to the North. With more characters he might have gone on to say: If I had to kiss a foreign leader it would be him. Reminds me of Robert Pattinson. 

I could do this all day. Before you go, would you mind voting in one more election? My Time To Lie book cover is up for AllAuthor.com’s Cover of The Month. I really, really need all the votes I can get to move into the top three. If you have a few seconds I’d appreciate your vote. Click THIS LINK to vote. If I win, I promise not to tweet any crazy things.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that this weekend in the U.S. we move our clocks back by an hour and my reminder that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 100 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about 7 or 8 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end. First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 100 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Spring, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anthying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

TBT! Other Stuff There Should Be Nobel Prizes For

If you follow the news, you’ll know that it’s Nobel Prize season. In fact, according to the timer of the Nobel Prize website, the Nobel Prize for literature will be given out in about 90 minutes. Each day they give out a new one. I wrote this post originally in October 2014.

They’ve been handing out Nobel Prizes all week long, announcing two or three every day. This may come as a surprise to you, but I didn’t get one. It sure as hell came as a surprise to me. There’s even one for Literature! Is The Phil Factor not Literature?

wdptrs.com

wdptrs.com

All my life there’s been awesome participation trophies and ribbons that have given me the belief that I deserve an award for everything I do. Adulthood has been kind of a let-down in that regard. You probably have some Nobel Prize-worthy attributes that deserve recognition as well. The fact that you read my blog is evidence of your good taste and wisdom. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will use my executive powers to create several other Nobel Prizes.

The Nobel Prize for Growing Up: When I see celebrities and professional athletes who have fame, fortune and teams of people managing their “brand” and they still screw up and do stupid things that get them arrested, it drives me crazy. I believe there should be a Nobel Prize for growing up successfully when you don’t have all the advantages in the world. You know who has already earned a lifetime ban from this award? Justin Bieber.

The Nobel Prize for Grilled Cheese Sandwiches: Ok, admittedly I’m only including this so I get a Nobel Prize. I think it is a vastly under-appreciated skill to grill it just right so the bread isn’t burned or under-done and soggy and has the perfect crispness. That is my gift. You know who has already earned a lifetime ban from this award? Justin Bieber

The Nobel Prize for Social Media: I am terrible at Facebook and Twitter.  I don’t know what to say. Every time I go to write a status or tweet I think to myself, “Why would anyone care if I said this?” Even I am bored with my own Facebook. Yet there are people who effortlessly post on and off all day without giving it a thought and are usually charming and funny. Guess who’s not eligible for this award? Yeah, Bieber and all the Kardashians.

The Nobel Prize for Best Co-Worker: There are probably millions of people that deserve this award. Everywhere you work there’s always that person who spontaneously brings in coffee and donuts every Monday. They always remember birthdays and circulate a card. If someone has a death in their family this co-worker has already sent flowers and included a card with everyones name, and later will say, “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just give me a couple bucks whenever.” They are the social glue of the office. Without them the office milieu wouldn’t be as tolerable every day.

The Nobel Prize for Doing a Job Nobody Else Wants: Whether it be working at a fast food restaurant, a teacher of middle school kids, or cleaning out septic tanks, there are millions of people doing jobs you couldn’t pay most of us enough to do. Yet people are doing them cheerfully without getting paid nearly what they should be.

The Do-It-Yourself Nobel Prize: Like I said, we all have unique, special things that we do every day that are under-appreciated. What should your Nobel Prize be for? Put your answer in the comments.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter or re-blogging. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Crime Fighting Robots Prevent The Apocalypse

Daily Express

Some guy named David Meade predicted that the end of the world would begin today. Some other guy named Phil Taylor (Me) predicted in this blog post from January 1st that the world would not end this year. Looks like we’ve got a showdown. Go ahead, read the blog post. Also, note  in that blog post I predicted Princess Kate would get pregnant again. Obviously my track record as a psychic is pretty good. David Meade’s, not so much. So who are you going to believe?

By profession, David Meade is a research scientist, holding a master’s degree in statistics, his background in research and experimental design has enabled him to develop a unique and powerful approach to Pinewood Derby racing. He also enjoys model rocketry and astronomy.” Basically, he’s a professional nerd and an amateur astronomer. I have no problems with professional nerds. They make all the important stuff happen. Amateur nerds however do not impress me. David Meade, you sir are an amateur nerd.

In 2006 David Meade wrote a book about cheating at Cub Scout crap. In 2006 I was writing this blog. If you’re racing a Pinewood Derby car at a Cub Scout meeting, call David Meade. If you want predictions about the future, call me.

The crux of David Meade’s prediction is that Planet X, an alleged mysterious planet that NASA denies exists, will crash into the Earth today. Also Dave says there will be a sign in the skies over Jerusalem today. Well, what is it Davey boy? Are we getting a sign, or will a planet crash into us and wipe out the Earth? Make up your mind!

Here’s what really happened: David Meade previously predicted that Planet X would crash into the Earth today. As today drew nearer David Meade heard about the crime fighting robots. What?!!? Crime fighting robots? Yes, crime fighting robots.

Yes, a California company makes crime fighting robots. A world with bad ass crime fighting robots is a world I want to live in. So David Meade heard about the crime fighting robots, and realizing that they would detect the threat of Planet X and use their robot crime fighting skills to defeat the rogue planet, he changed his prediction to just a sign in the sky that heralds a seven year period of the world going into the crapper. (Some say that period began in January)  

See? I didn’t take the obvious route and use R.E.M.’s End of the World. I pulled out the Rick Springfield that the world forgot. That’s how you know you can trust me instead of David Meade. Well, trust me and the crime fighting robots. We’ve got your back. Again.

Also in other news that proves we have a future. In a recording studio somewhere, an accomplished voice actor who has done over 400 books is reading my book Time To Lie into a microphone so you can listen to it on your commute. Would he be doing that if the world is going to end?

Thank you to my friend Casey for warning me about our not so imminent demise. Have a great Saturday and make plans for the future! ~Phil

Dear Donald Trump,

Dear Donald Trump,

I’m only using “Dear” in the most traditional sense, not because I have an affection for you, but because it is traditional and respectful to start a letter that way. Traditional and respectful are both things with which you seem unfamiliar. I have taken it upon myself to write this letter to you on behalf of the rest of the human race. Yes, I said the rest of the human race, as if we are separate from you. Your words and actions seem to indicate that you are very separate from us.

To borrow from George Bailey, on behalf of the human race, I’d like to say: Just remember this, Mr. Potter Trump, that this rabble you’re talking about, they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community country. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you’ll ever be.

Designating myself to represent the rest of the human race may seem arrogant on my part, but I assume that is a characteristic that you understand and respect. I know that you always think that you’re the smartest guy in the room, but the smartest guy in any room is never smarter than the rest of the room together. I’d like to see you get you’re hearing problem checked out. You’re an older man and you seem to have significant trouble hearing your advisers, your cabinet members, and the American people telling you to shut the eff up. Maybe if you aren’t good at listening, you’ll be good at reading. Maybe people will like this blog post so much that it gets retweeted to you. That’s a medium you seem to understand.

You seem fixated on North Korea and their crazy dictator right now. That’s valid. They pose a danger to the rest of the world if they start launching nuclear missiles. You and Kim Jong-Un are trading verbal nuclear missiles right now like two junior high bullies in a pissing contest. How about, for a change,  you be the adult in this one. With all your “fire and fury” and “Locked and loaded” comments, do you know who you sound like? You sound like Kim Jong-Un, a crazy, irrational dictator. In the words of President Teddy Roosevelt, “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Look, we’re the United States. Everyone knows we have the big stick. We have the worlds largest arsenal and the worlds largest military force. You have the big stick and everybody, including Kim Jong-Un knows it. Just shut the eff up and take care of the problem the way your cabinet and advisers, except your son-in law, tell you to.

As for your domestic agenda, what is it? Is it to reverse everything your predecessor did? That seems to be all you’re doing. Like Richard Gere’s character in Pretty Woman learned, if you want to be remembered, build something. If you just destroy without replacing you’ll have a hole. And people will regard you as one as well.

If you want to act like a dictator, go back to a reality TV show. In the real world, your act doesn’t work. Name one real life crazy dictator that had a reign that ended well? You know, if you don’t like this President job, you can resign. Nobody will think worse of you. It’s impossible to. If your ridiculous behavior continues, it’s possible the American people will say, to borrow a phrase from a clown I saw on TV, “You’re fired!”

Sincerely,

Phil and the human race.

I Bloody Love Chips!

The original quote, which I borrowed from the old British sitcom, Miranda, is actually “I bloody love crisps!” Unfortunately, for the purposes of this post, crisps just won’t do because I’m talking about chips, microchips, and those just aren’t good in dip. But apparently they might be good in your arm or neck or where ever!

My cat has a microchip in his neck so that if he ever gets lost and is returned to a shelter or vets office, they will know who he belongs to. In an article in The Independent, (which I obviously read religiously) a Swedish office that employs 400 people offered the opportunity to get microchipped to all of their workers for the purpose of gaining access to the office, using copy machines and buying stuff at the cafeteria. “We already interact with technology all the time,” says bio-hacker Hannes Sjoblad, the “chief disruption officer” at the office block. “Today it’s a bit messy—we need pin codes and passwords. Wouldn’t it be easy to just touch with your hand? That’s really intuitive.”

He does make it sound awfully tempting, doesn’t he? We already have smart watches that record our pulse, steps and sleep patterns and glucose monitoring contact lenses. Many people with certain diseases and medical conditions have technology implanted in their body. Some have entire artificial organs. Let’s face it, we started on the slippery slope to becoming cyborgs or androids a long time ago, so why not embrace it? Soon, after I start selling the Phil Factor microchip, you’ll just wave your hand over your device and it will take you right to #ThePhilFactor. How great would that be, right?

Let’s be honest, as a group we’ve fantasized about having the brains and strength of robots for a long time. Remember the 70’s TV show, The Six Million Dollar Man? “We can rebuild him. We have the technology…Better, stronger, faster”

I know a lot of you are saying,”Phil, this is crazy. None of us wants to be part machine or to have tracking chips in us like a dog.”  Well why the heck not? “Oh, the government will track us. They’ll know where we go and what we buy.”  Guess what folks, the ship sailed on that long ago. And the invasion of privacy argument is gone too. Hell, Netflix and Facebook know more about us than our own relatives!

A Wisconsin technology company, Three Square Market, (which sounds a little too close to Three Doors Down, who unbeknownst to them, have all been microchipped so I can track them for the purpose of avoiding their concerts) is a company that provides technology for break-room or micro markets, has over 50 employees who plan to have the devices implanted. The tiny chip, which uses RFID technology or Radio-Frequency Identification, can be implanted between the thumb and forefinger “within seconds,” according to a statement from the company.

You know what? I’d get microchipped if only to avoid having to remember or write down all the passwords that I need regularly. Seriously, who enjoys trying to remember twelve different passwords that combine upper case, lower case, haiku, Sanskrit and your mother’s maiden name and a special character? A special character? Like from a movie or TV? My drunk uncle is often referred to a special character but I don’t want him knowing my passwords to anything!

In last summer’s movie Suicide Squad, microchips were implanted in the necks of crazy prisoners recruited to go on a dangerous mission to save the world. They were told that if they tried to escape or revolt a button would be pushed and the microchip would explode and kill them. That seems useful if you want to parole someone from prison. Also, if I’m a parent of young kids I would find that idea very useful. The day before all the kids get vaccinations for mumps or something, show them that movie and Voila! They’ll never misbehave again!

It’s inevitable. We’re already halfway down that slippery slope, so let’s embrace it. Microchip implant party at The Phil Factor next week. Who’s coming?

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

 

Psychic Phil Strikes Again!

I hate to say I told you so. OK, no I don’t. I love to say I told you so.

Remember my January 1st post My Psychic Predictions for 2017 ? If not feel free to click that link and read it. Go ahead. I’ll wait. ………..You back? Good. See? On January 1st of this year I predicted that Princess Kate would get pregnant again and the world will lose it’s collective minds when we find out it’s twins. The rumors are out there that it is twins. I’ve got the first half right. Time will tell if I nailed the landing.

Also just to update my other predictions at the halfway point in the year:

The world did not end, exactly as I predicted.

People will lose interest in the Kardashians: Who? Exactly!

The United Kingdom will try to #UnBrexit: The most recent election results were underwhelming for Prime Minister Theresa May, indicating that the public is not happy with her leadership. There is published speculation that England my try to reverse this colossal blunder. Sounds like Psychic Phil may have nailed this one too. BTW, #unBrexit is a hashtag on Twitter just as I predicted it would be 6 months ago. You’re welcome.

Kim Kardashian will fall for another: She’s still married to Kanye, but how long can this possibly go on? Apparently not for much longer according to this article from May which seems to indicate I got this prediction right too.

Donald Trump will resign from the Presidency: I predicted this weeks before he even took office. Doesn’t seem so far fetched now does it?

Celebrity Deaths: Not that I’m rooting to be right on these, but Betty White, Marvel Comics icon Stan Lee, and Queen Elizabeth. Rumors have been swirling about the Queen’s health…

Well? What do you think? It seems like my psychic predictions are all looking pretty good so far. Should I start a separate psychic predictions blog?

Have a great Friday!  ( I know you will. Well, not you. I was talking to her over on the left) ~Phil