Category Archives: Current Events

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks back by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks back an hour now but we turn them ahead in the Spring over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

I Wear a Mask Because…

Guess what? I’m not wearing a mask because the “government” said I should. I’m not wearing a mask because I’m afraid of the virus. I’m not wearing a mask because my job makes me. And I’m not wearing a mask because it makes me look cool. But make no mistake, I do look cool as hell in a mask.

Here’s my deal: I have a great immune system. I just don’t get sick. The last time I remember having the flu was in 1986. I did take a sick day from work once about 5 years ago, but I wasn’t really sick. In addition to my incredible immune system, I am vaccinated A.F. In 2021 I have received three COVID shots, one flu shot and two shingles vaccinations. That’s six vaccinations! The chances of me getting COVID, the flu, or any other transmissible disease is almost nil. I’m not wearing a mask for me. So why do I wear a mask?

I wear a mask for you. Although I’m vaccinated A.F., I could still catch COVID and never know it, but still be transmitting it by breathing out. Someone who is unvaccinated or has a compromised immune system could catch it and end up dead. Wearing a mask is the right thing to do as a human being. If you’re not wearing a mask because you don’t like that your government said you should, you’re an idiot. (but please keep reading because I’m making a point here)

Regardless of what country you are reading this from, your government tells you to do things all the time and you have done them for your entire life. Seat belts in cars? We all wear them. The chances of us getting in a car accident is pretty slim, but if we do, it could kill us. The chances of us getting COVID are relatively slim, but if we do, it could kill us. Masks are like seat belts for our immune system.

Darth Vader making masks cool since 1976

By the way, Darth Vader didn’t die in the movie until he took his mask off.  Additionally, if you wear a mask and put on some medical scrubs that you can buy lots of places, people will think you’re a healthcare worker and occasionally give you free meals at restaurants. Also, tomorrow is Halloween! You’re not opposed to putting on a mask for free candy, but you won’t put one on to save your own life?!!? In summation, if you are opposed to masks, don’t read #ThePhilFactor.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

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Rock You Like A Hurricane?

Well it’s hurricane season in the Northern hemisphere. Hurricane ‘Henri’ ran up the East coast this past week and I hope that everyone in it’s path escaped without any mortal injuries. Then again, how threatening can anything or anyone named Henri be? That may be the least menacing name ever. The fact that there are so many Henri’s in France is why they’ve lost every war they’ve ever participated in.

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Fortunately I don’t live in an area that ever gets any hurricanes although I felt some of the wind and rain from Henri. In the U.S., our weather people traditionally name hurricanes with people names, such as Hurricane Phil, or Hurricane Betsy. Then the news people are astounded that people refuse to leave their homes when a hurricane is coming. Who is going to be afraid of Hurricane Henri, or Tropical Storm Cecilia? Remember innocuously named Hurricane Katrina? Yeah, how’d that work out for everyone? And for cripes sake, why did we have a hurricane named Henri? Henri sounds more like a refreshing light rain on a pleasant spring day.

Have you ever noticed that when people are interviewed as a big storm is bearing down on their area the homeowners always use the phrase “hunker down”? The interview always goes like this:

Reporter: I’m standing here with Joe and Jane Homeowner who plan on staying right where they are as the biggest storm of the century bears down on us. Joe and Jane, why are you staying put?

Homeowners: Well this little storm ‘taint nuthin. We’ll just hunker down until it passes. Now the storm of ’68, that was a storm!

I’m not sure I’ve ever hunkered down for anything. I think hunkering down best describes the pose my dog takes when she’s going number 2.  If you want people to flee to somewhere safe you have to give  a storm a name that sounds as scary as it is. Why not give it an intimidating name? How about something like Mega Hurricane Deathtron? That might get people out of their homes. Or maybe something simple like The Hurricane of Death? If the Hurricane of Death was headed for my house you can bet I’d get the hell out of the way. Then again, if they named hurricanes like that you wouldn’t have people selling post hurricane t-shirts that said things like “I Was Blown By Irene 2011.” When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will convene a special committee of writers to work on scary, new hurricane names every year.

Have a great and hurricane free day! ~Hurricane Phil

Olympic Sports That Shouldn’t Be

As a “guy” there are few things more enjoyable than having an afternoon free to plant yourself in the recliner and click on the tv  for an afternoon of sports viewing. The average guy is about as picky about what sports he will watch as he is about what women he will date. For a guy though there are few things more disappointing than clicking on the Olympics and finding something on that’s not a sport. We all know what I’m talking about. I would like to propose rules for what qualifies as a sport. Anything that does not qualify under my rules should be broadcast on a different network. Maybe the Game Channel or The Loser Network.

Rule #1: It’s not a sport if the participant has no idea they are competing. Examples: equestrian sports: It’s not a sport if you can wear a top hat while you’re doing it.  The animals  jumping through hoops to get some sort of treat at the end are the real athletes. Who gets the prize money and trophies?

In what universe is this a sport?

Rule #2: It’s not a sport unless there’s a final score everyone agrees upon. Current “sports” that should be ruled out: Gymnastics, synchronized swimming, diving, and any kind of figure skating. Special mention goes to rhythmic gymnastics which is just gymnastics for people who are afraid of heights.

Rule #3: It’s not a sport if you do it better when you’re high and wearing cargo shorts. This rules out skateboarding and surfing.

I’m sure those of you from Australia and other countries could probably come up with several examples of things in your country that are played as sports, but really aren’t. Of course in the U.S. we generally don’t consider it a sport unless it’s played in our country and you can gamble on it.

Enjoy your Olympics! ~Phil

होली होली टू यूज or Happy Holi To You

I’d like to wish a sincere Happy Holi to my Hindu and Hindi friends out there! Thank you for all your views of my blog over the past several years!

Last evening the Hindu holiday of Holi began. It is the annual Spring festival of colors. So, why am I wishing a Happy Holi or होली होली to readers of my blog? Because I have many Hindi speaking readers. Just to be clear though, not all Hindi speaking people are Hindu and not all Hindus speak Hindi, but the majority of each is also the other, got it? Hindi is a language and Hindu is a religion.

So what exactly is Holi? It’s a Hindu Spring festival that celebrates the victory of good over evil and light over the darkness. It is a time of  forgiveness and repairing relationships. Holi is not only a celebration of Spring, it is also a known as The Festival of Love, celebrating the eternal love of Radha-Krishna, the masculine and feminine realities of God. And it involves drinking a lot of Feni, a lot of fireworks, and everyone getting covered in colorful powder.

So why do so many Hindi speaking people read my blog? Because of three posts about हिंदी सेक्स over the last three years my blog has become a hotspot for the Hindi speaking crowd. I imagine that in India there are entire internet message boards dedicated to discussing फिल फैक्टर (Phil Factor). What posts are those? I’m glad you asked:

Real Sexting Conversations to Read In Hindi? 

Hindi Sexting is Back!

How Ron Burgundy Will Save Hindi Sex

The rest of this post will be in Hindi in deference to my many Hindi speaking readers and friends. होली मुबारक! फिल फैक्टर दुनिया का सबसे अच्छा ब्लॉग है! मेरी किताबें खरीदें और आप अपने सपनों के साथ मिलेंगे!

Have a great Monday! ~फिल

#PHIL2024

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks forward by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about fifteen years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anythying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change.

Alas my fifteen year blog plea has finally been heard by legislators on both sides of the Atlantic! In the U.S., a move to break the much-despised clock-changing habit has been advanced by me and a bipartisan group of senators, whose “Sunshine Protection Act of 2021” would make year-round DST the law of the land. State-level measures along those lines have passed in CaliforniaFlorida and many other states. The European Union voted to abolish Daylight Savings Time, but of course they screwed that up, because they’re Europe and no one knows who’s in charge.

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

The Official Blog of The Super Bowl!

Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote a few years ago.  Enjoy and Happy Sunday!

See? The Phil Factor really is the Official Blog of The Super Bowl

(01/31/15) I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The #SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.

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For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet.) Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.

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I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, on Downton Abbey last week Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.

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What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states of Washington and Colorado  think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?

I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil

What Would Your Groundhog Day Be Like?

Spoiler alert, in case you didn’t know, TODAY is Groundhog Day. Who doesn’t love this movie? Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. Also, here’s another spoiler alert, today, February 2nd, 2021, I added a new question at the end of this post that I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on.

This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006 and I now post it every year, over and over, just like Phil’s Groundhog Day in the movie.

(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

Here’s the big question: If you could have one day of your life to do over and over, what day would that be and why? As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Have a great day!  ~Phil

Good Morning! How Are You?

Seriously, good morning, happy Sunday and how are you doing? I’m trying something new. I just wanted to check in with everyone. No story or humorous opinion piece today. Let’s just check in with each other as people.

I know the pandemic is wearing thin on everyone’s patience, but in some ways I think it has also unified the world. I know that I get readers from all over the world, but often our experiences and perspectives are somewhat different because we live in different areas of the world. Different televisions shows, different music, different political climates, different daily news. We truly can’t really understand someone else’s perspective. But…the pandemic is one thing we all have in common. Everyone has experienced an impact on their lives because of the pandemic, and for most of us, it hasn’t been good. In the comments I’d like to hear how you’re holding up. Obviously I’ll tell you in my writing here, but why don’t we all read and reply to each other in the comments. Let’s offer emotional support and maybe even suggestions about how ways we’ve found to cope.

Oddly, due to a quirky situation with my job last January I had to start working from home two months before the rest of you started quarantining. Ironically, just two days before the first cases of Covid were found in a community just north of New York City, I had passed through that area while doing my job.

In May of last year I had to have my 83 year old father admitted to a memory care residence and haven’t been able to really visit him in person because of Covid. We had regular window visits until both winter and Covid hit his residence. I’m feeling some guilt that I can’t do more with him. He’s confused and frustrated about why he can’t go home, and I can’t even take him out to dinner or for a visit at my house.

My wife is not only a medical provider but she is also in active treatment for cancer, which impacts her immune system. I’m relieved however because this past week she received her second dose of the Covid vaccine. For the first nine months of the virus though it was a worry. And in the summer my son, who lives on the other side of the country had a serious ankle injury requiring surgery and I traveled to see him twice to help him out with medical appointments etc.

If you haven’t traveled during the pandemic, it’s definitely different. In the airports most of the stores and restaurants were closed or limited. None of the flights I took provided us with a real meal, only snacks. I didn’t really have any worries about increased exposure to the virus while traveling.  Everyone wore masks and the fight attendants provided us with disinfectant wipes. On only one flight were we packed in every seat like normal flights.

As if the impact of the virus wasn’t enough, in the United States, we couldn’t just do the pandemic, we had to add in seismic political upheaval. Hopefully everyone is tired of that and just decides to stay home.

So now, I’ve just started a new job, which is a very good thing, but I am expected to travel when there are customers that are willing to have me visit. I’m not worried about that or catching the virus. Honestly, I do worry a little, but only a little. I have irrational confidence in my immune system, but I do have to be realistic. I’m on the wrong side of 50 and naturally my immune system probably isn’t as strong as it was in my youth. I mask up everywhere I go and instead of the colorful and entertaining ties I used to wear, I’m going to try to find colorful and entertaining masks. My first memory association with the pandemic is the Netflix series Tiger King. How great was that? And how long ago does that seem now?

So that’s my pandemic story. What’s yours? And how are you holding up? Is there anything me or the blogging community can do to help? One thing I know that helps everyone’s spirits when we’re stressed is interaction with each other in the comments section on our blogs. Let’s try to do that a little more. As bloggers we are a unique community, so let’s pull together and look out for each other. Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

My Psychic Predictions for 2021

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady

Five years ago when I started my psychic predictions posts, it was just for fun. Then a funny thing happened, I got some right. Startlingly, unerringly, spot on right. So I did it again the following year, and a year later I got some more exactly right. Let’s not get crazy. I’m not getting everything I predict exactly right. But I’m getting enough right that it’s possible I’ve got a little bit of psychic stuff in my big ‘ol noggin. So, back by popular demand, here are my predictions for the year of 2021!

Somebody else made this meme, but for 2020, it’s pretty spot on

Prediction #1: My first prediction is going to be an easy one that anyone could make, but I’ll back it up later with specifics. My prediction is that 2021 will be a better year not just in the United States, but for the whole world.

Prediction #2: First off, I’d like to put everyone at ease. A lot of psychics like to predict the end of the world all the time. Not me, I’m a glass half-full kind of soothsayer. Feel free to plan ahead. The world is not going to end in 2021. It already did in 2020. What are the chances it happens two years in a row? One in ten tops. I guarantee it.

I made my first world saving prediction in 2009 when everyone said the world was going to end in 2012 because that’s when the Mayan calendars ended. I was right then and I’ll be right now. Get your vaccinations and plan those vacations because you’ll be reading my 2022 predictions this time next year. Unless you don’t wear a mask in Florida Then all bets are off.

Who else will get voted off the island in 2021?

Famous Deaths in 2021: This obviously is not my favorite part of the post to write, but it is also one of the most talked about sections of my predictions every year.  Sadly, when I was writing my initial draft of this post three days ago I had a feeling and penciled in Gilligan’s Island cast member Dawn Wells . Sadly, the 82 year old who played the wholesome but sexy MaryAnn on the beloved late 60’s sitcom was unable to fight off Covid long enough so that I wouldn’t have to revise this section of my post. Oddly, the only surviving Gilligan’s Island cast member is Tina Louise, who reputedly was Dawn Wells rival on and off the set. Coincidentally, she also has not offered an alibi for where she was at the time of Ms. Wells demise. Coincidence? I think not! The autopsy and subsequent investigation will tell the tale.

Let’s get right down to it. Great Britain will be rocked by not one but two royal deaths! Don’t worry, it’s not going to be the Queen Mum. Let’s not kid ourselves, Queen Elizabeth is an alien and is never going to die, but sadly her son Prince Charles will take the eternal dirt nap without having had his turn on the throne. I’m not sure how or why, but things are not going to work out for Prince Chuck in 2021. Also the Queen’s husband, Prince Philip, will join Charles in crossing the rainbow bridge. Oddly, like Tina Louise, I will not have an alibi. Prince Philip has soiled the good name of the one L Philips one too many times. (Addendum April 16: Told you so! )

Predictions #3: Former President Donald Trump will be besieged with lawsuits within seconds of Joe Biden’s inauguration. As he has become accustomed to lately, he will lose all the lawsuits, and will be sent to prison. On the order of the Supreme Court (go ahead, click that. They have a website) Donald Trump will be sentenced to serve his life long term in the same cell as Joe Exotic, the Tiger King from our first and best pandemic binge watch. (If you haven’t watched it, you should. It’s that train wreck you can’t look away from)

In a surprising turn of events, Joe Exotic’s legal team pleads with the court to release their client on the grounds that his incarceration was certainly deserved, but to be held in captivity with Donald Trump for eternity constitutes “cruel and unusual punishment” and violates several statutes of the 1954 Geneva Accords. After several days of debate the United States Supreme Court comes to the decision that not only will Joe Exotic and Donald Trump serve out the rest of their lives in the same 6 foot by 9 foot cell, but it will be filmed and turned into what will become the most popular reality show of all time. If only Carol Baskin could feed these two to her lions…that would be a fitting season finale.

That’s it folks. I opened my third eye and peered into the universe and I got Trump and Joe Exotic. If that doesn’t make you happy for 2021, then I don’t know what will. Have a Happy New Year, not just tonight but for the next 365 days.  Thanks for reading! ~Phil