See You Later Alligator!

“Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can’t keep still
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will”
— Elton John

Apparently Elton hasn’t been hanging out in Florida lately. In the past week and a half three Florida women were killed by alligators. What?!!? That never happens, and now three times in a week?!!? Last year about this time I blogged about three people killed in about a week and a half by sharks off the coast of Florida. It sounds to me like the sharks and alligators have a bet going about who can eat the most humans. Is it just me, or is everyone starting to question the intelligence of Floridians? If one person is killed by a large animal with a mouth like a woodchipper I might consider it a fluke occurrence. If it happens twice in one week, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll be avoiding that creatures habitat for a while. Apparently if you live in Florida now you can’t go in the water and you can’t stay on land either. Oh, and Florida is hit by a hurricane at least once a year. That’s O.K. though because they need the rain, if only to cut down on the world’s largest population of gigantic insects. It sounds to me like nature is sending humans a pretty clear message about Florida: Get the hell out.

More evidence that Floridians may not be invited to the next Mensa convention is the fact that two of their major universities, the places where smart people should be, seem to revel in the infamy of Florida’s lethal pitfalls. These two universities have named their school mascots after things which routinely kill people in their state. How endearing huh? There’s the University of Miami Hurricanes and, getting more ironic by the day, the University of Florida Gators.

Hmm… I’ve successfully alienated Canada and Florida, who’s next? Oh, that’s right, Australia. Don’t worry my Aussie friends, I haven’t forgotten about you.

23 responses to “See You Later Alligator!

  1. Well, you’ve done a thorough job with the Floridians **shrug**

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  3. You can question my intelligence all you want 🙂 That’s how secure I am…ROTFLBut then again…I am not sure I qualify as a Floridian. I was born in Buenos Aires, lived in Iowa, and NYC, and probably won’t be in Florida that much longer.But in case I qualify…feel free to question 🙂-N

  4. Jessica and Natalia- I hope you two know that you certainly weren’t included when I was thinking of Floridians. Well, I thought of you, but as the exceptions to the rule. Just be careful when you leave the house!

  5. Its amazing to me how these people dont know how to escape aligators and crocodiles…Everyone, who lives and breathes, should know the following:When being chased by an alligator/crocodile, make sure you run in a tight zig zag pattern. They cannot keep up with you, but if you run straigt, and they chase you? You’re fucked….they’re fast. They are too big to change direction that easily if you run in zig zags.

  6. BAH!Shark, ‘gators…just wait till a raging moose comes after you.Then you’ll know the REAL meaning of fear.

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  8. Right.No swimming in Florida.Got it.

  9. Oh yeah. I read about that. I also read today that Florida topped the Auto List of Rude Drivers. Ha ha. I’ve never been to Florida so I wouldn’t know. The phrase, “Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my!” should be changed to “Alligators, Sharks, and Rude Drivers, oh my!” J/K. Will

  10. Well, now I know why my ex moved to Florida. Maybe there is an open mouth gator just waiting for a snack…I could only hope he is within the gator’s reach.No, I am not still bitter. I just don’t like him!

  11. i have had the [dis]pleasure of visiting florida three times.thumbs down. too hot and humid too.

  12. Florida will soon be just a sandbar with global warming soon to drown it with melted icepack water. They better start building their arks…just don’t invite the gators along for the ride.

  13. Crocodile Princess- Thank you for the lesson. You’ve saved hundreds of blogging lives.Tai- We do have moose here in the northern states. I’ve never seen one raging. Perhaps you are projecting a bit?Berly- You can swim in Florida, just make it a hotel pool.Will- Very funny, LOL!Kim- Good luck on having your ex eaten!Say Rah!- Don’t say anything bad about Florida. I’m just kidding here. I visited last year and had the time of my life. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.Bob- I hope Florida doesn’t get submerged, it’s a great place to visit.

  14. LOL!!! Crocodile princess…you’re so silly. Love it.

  15. I’m ready Phil…..Hit me!Btw, the last post i put on my blog was a photo i took of crocodile!!

  16. I’m just an ignorant Aussie, but isn’t Florida where all the oldies go when they retire ??? Doesn’t sound like a very relaxing (or safe) place to retire, to me !!!

  17. Princess- BTW, do you have many alligator problems up there in Canada? Why do you know so much about escaping them?Michelle- Yes, I know. I didn’t want to put a scary picture up with the post or it would just seem mean spirited to make jokes about people getting eaten.Meow- Yes, you are correct. Many elderly move to Florida to avoid dealing with the cold and snow in the winter. I suppose the elderly would be easy pickings for a quick alligator, but then again, the old folks don’t have much meat on their bones.

  18. You can start on Texans too if you want. I might even help you.

  19. maybe i don’t love florida because each time we were on a mickey mouse hunting expedition and i was 15, 18, & 21 at the times & have significantly younger siblings. standing in line for space mountain in 250 degree heat is not my idea of a good yes, i generalized about florida when i really meant disneyworld. thanks for keeping me in check.but i still hated it.

  20. They ought to send that crocodile hunter guy down there. Chomp chomp, mate!

  21. Phil…No smart ass…we do not have alligator problems in canada…LOL…moose and beaver on the other hand.I dont know how I knew that….must have read it somewhere.

  22. There was the one that attacked a woman’s dog so she shot the damn thing and the cops had the nerve to give her a warning citation for hunting w/o a license!!!

  23. Gary- It’s funny you say that about Texans. I was just thinking that today, but as a Yankee, our impression is that everyone from Texas has a gun rack in their pick up truck, and I don’t want to make fun of people with guns.Say Rah!- I went to DW a year ago today and thoroughly enjoyed myself. If you want to read about that trip check out my May 2005 archives.Attila- Good idea. I like it!Princess- (Again) It’s funny you say that. I was just thinking today, “How does a Canadian know what to do in case of an alligator attack?”Linny- I was just hearing that story on the radio today. Good for that woman. I wouldn’t mess with her!.

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