See? It worked. You read it anyway. The title and your reading of these words illustrates my point perfectly. Based on that point I am going to embark on a new career. Until I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pursue a career as a Reverse Psychologist. As a therapist, it has been my experience that very few people follow the advice they are given. In fact, some people who are determined not to be controlled by “the man” will do the exact opposite of what they are told just out of spite. These people will be my new patients. Here’s how a few sessions might go:
1. Female Patient: “(sniff, sniff) Dr. Phil, my boyfriend drinks, cheats on me, and steals money from my purse so he can gamble.”
Me: “Whoa nellie! Stop the presses! You’ve got yourself a keeper there! If you don’t marry him and have his children then I will! Don’t let him get away!”
2. Depressed Patient: “I’ve been very depressed since I lost my job and my wife left me. I’m thinking of suicide. What should I do?”
Me: “Well if I were you the last thing I’d do would be to apply for new jobs and start dating again. You don’t need that kind of trouble! You’d be better off staying at home and wallowing in your misery. And whatever you do, absolutely do not get any exercise or take care of your hygiene!”
3. Anger Management Patient: “Dr. Phil, my boss is really pissing me off. I think he’s got it in for me. He’s always checking on my work and yelling at me in front of the other employees. I’ve had it! The next time he does that I’m going to punch him and quit on the spot!”
Me: “That is brilliant! You saw right through his plan. That son of a bitch is obviously trying to provoke you into a fight so he can fire you! You’re right not to let him manipulate you like that. Whatever you do, avoid doing good work or complaining to his supervisors about his behavior. If you do that they’re likely to fire him and then where would you be?”
See? It’s a brilliant idea. How could it go wrong? I hope you enjoyed this post, but whatever you do, don’t leave a comment. I would hate that.