Does everyone remember about 7 months ago when I bemoaned the fact that President George Bush and Hilary Clinton seem to visit my town with inordinate frequency? In the 7 months since I wrote that post Hilary Clinton has been back and Vice President Cheney also paid a visit to my fair city, (causing me to take an extremely circuitous route home that evening because the Secret Service didn’t want me and Vice President Shotgun on the same road at the same time. That was probably more for my protection than his). Now comes the straw that finally broke Phil’s back. (Yes, I did refer to myself in the third person)
I have scheduled a Halloween birthday party for my son at my house tomorrow. Last night one of my sons’ friends’ parents called to say that her daughter would be attending the party tomorrow but she wasn’t sure how she would get to our house because she assumed the road might be blocked because President Bush’s wife, Laura, was going to be at the Senior Center reading to old people at the exact same time as the party. In my head I was screaming, “What?!!? You have to be freaking kidding me!” I immediately reassured the parent that I did not invite Laura Bush to the party and would make every effort to ensure that her daughter wouldn’t be exposed to a member of the Bush family. It may be a Halloween party, but I don’t want it to be that scary.
I swear that aside from Washington D.C. there is no other city in the world that these dolts spend as much time visiting as they do mine. As you can see from my little profile thing in the upper left corner, I live in New York, but not in New York City. I live a full 5-6 hours from New York City. There is no logical reason for all the people in charge of running the United States to be visiting my town that often. We really don’t have all that much going on here. So I got to thinking, what could their reason be? Why are they here so often? What is the one common denominator running through all their visits? That’s when it hit me. It’s got to be me! I’m the common thread. I may not be directly involved in any of their visits to my town, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not on the agenda. The visits appear to be a perfect cover for the Secret Service and Homeland Security Agency to be in town so they can check up on me. Obviously my frequent blog references regarding our current administration have made me a “person of interest” and I may possibly be labeled as a “subversive element.” In fact by commenting upon this post you will likely be considered under suspicion as a member of my cell.
With Mrs. Bush’s visit here tomorrow, my references to President George Bush, First Lady Laura Bush, aptly named Vice President Dick Cheney, and Senator Hilary Clinton will have triggered whatever internet filters the Secret Service and Homeland Security Agency use to monitor for threats. As always, I just want to give a big shout out to all my fans at the Pentagon and in Washington D.C. You guys and gals are doing a great job. If dignitaries from our nation’s capitol are going to continue to visit my town I’d like to put in a few requests: As I’ve said before, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice is a nice piece of political eye candy and George and Laura’s twin daughters appear to be total hotties who like to party. If you can get any of them to visit I might even vote Republican this year. Just leave former Congressman Mark Foley home this weekend, I’m having a kid’s party and he sure would make for one creepy clown.
*This won’t seem as funny to me tomorrow if the Secret Service shows up during the party with a “cease and desist” order regarding my blog.