Is it just me, or does everyone think that almost every single state motto is idiotic and outdated? When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I vow to pass a new Phil law mandating that each state motto must in some way be relevant to the state. Just off the top of my head, here are a few state mottos and how I would change them:
South Carolina: The state of South Carloina has two mottos, both of which are in Latin. Really? Latin? How many people in South Carolina do you suppose speak Latin? How about something more appropriate such as: Welcome to South Carolina where tobacco is the 5th food group!
New Hampshire: We all know this one, Live Free or Die. Who the hell thought that phrase was befitting of New Hampshire? Was there ever a chance anyone was going to enslave New Hampshire? How about a motto such as: New Hampshire! The other kind of narrow state that looks like Vermont upside down!
California: The California motto is actually the Latin word Eureka! The English translation is “I have found it.” Brilliant eh? Somebody stumbles on a piece of land 770 miles long and they want a freakin‘ motto? How the hell could you miss it? Dora the Explorer finds more shit than that in a 22 minute episode. What the hell is her motto? For California how about the motto: Welcome to California! We don’t give a rats ass who our governor is!
Maryland: Maryland’s state motto is actually in French, which makes sense because…well, it doesn’t make any sense. The English translation of Maryland’s state motto is: Manly deeds, womanly words. What the hell, I’m going to leave that one be.
Delaware: Liberty and Independence. Not bad. Sounds very distinguished. But seriously, c’mon, it’s Delaware! Have you looked at this state on a map? If the United States has an appendix, Delaware is it. It may be time for an appendectomy. New Phil motto for Delaware: Shhhhh! If anyone really notices how small we are they’ll take away our statehood!
I could go on like this all day, but what fun would that be? How about your ideas for state mottos for your own state or others in the comments?