Welcome to New York! Not Everyone gets Mugged !

Is it just me, or does everyone think that almost every single state motto is idiotic and outdated? When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I vow to pass a new Phil law mandating that each state motto must in some way be relevant to the state. Just off the top of my head, here are a few state mottos and how I would change them:

South Carolina: The state of South Carloina has two mottos, both of which are in Latin. Really? Latin? How many people in South Carolina do you suppose speak Latin? How about something more appropriate such as: Welcome to South Carolina where tobacco is the 5th food group!

New Hampshire: We all know this one, Live Free or Die. Who the hell thought that phrase was befitting of New Hampshire? Was there ever a chance anyone was going to enslave New Hampshire? How about a motto such as: New Hampshire! The other kind of narrow state that looks like Vermont upside down!

California: The California motto is actually the Latin word Eureka! The English translation is “I have found it.” Brilliant eh? Somebody stumbles on a piece of land 770 miles long and they want a freakin‘ motto? How the hell could you miss it? Dora the Explorer finds more shit than that in a 22 minute episode. What the hell is her motto? For California how about the motto: Welcome to California! We don’t give a rats ass who our governor is!

Maryland: Maryland’s state motto is actually in French, which makes sense because…well, it doesn’t make any sense. The English translation of Maryland’s state motto is: Manly deeds, womanly words. What the hell, I’m going to leave that one be.

Delaware: Liberty and Independence. Not bad. Sounds very distinguished. But seriously, c’mon, it’s Delaware! Have you looked at this state on a map? If the United States has an appendix, Delaware is it. It may be time for an appendectomy. New Phil motto for Delaware: Shhhhh! If anyone really notices how small we are they’ll take away our statehood!

I could go on like this all day, but what fun would that be? How about your ideas for state mottos for your own state or others in the comments?

13 responses to “Welcome to New York! Not Everyone gets Mugged !

  1. I would just like to live somewhere other than the fucking “beaver state.” There's even a beaver on the flag. I'm not making this up.

  2. when i visited south carolina, i was told that the state motto was one of two similar variants: we can fry that or if you can beat it, fry it. 🙂

  3. damn typo.

    if you can't beat it, fry it.

    and it was more like “cain't”

  4. Riot Kitty- State animals, flowers, etc. will have to be a whole other post, which I'm sure will be just as entertaining.

    Sarah- I think that motto could go for the entire Southeast portion of the country.

  5. Okay Phil, first you diss me and then you give me a really nice compliment.

    *In case you don't remember, you were like “Follow me and I'll follow you”, so I did, and you didn't, but instead followed Libby.

    Thanks for the compliment anyway– I'll take it. 🙂

  6. Utah's state motto is “Industry.” Discuss.

  7. HAHAHA! I love it. You funny.

  8. Ok, I just had to look up what Washington state's motto is. And then I promptly forgot it. Blah.

    HOWEVER, you and your readers will be delighted to know that Washington state is home to the Banana Slug! Woot! (p.s. I hate the word “woot.”)

  9. I cracked up at your new New Hampshire motto! Hysterical stuff.

    The state mottos for most of the New England states suck.

    Maine – “I direct”

    Rhode Island – “Hope”

    Seriously, what the hell? They couldn't even come up with a whole line?

  10. Ours (MN) is L'Etoile du Nord, (Star of the North) which isn't so much a motto as an egotistical geographic location.

  11. South Carolina: their senators ARE old enough to remember Latin, or at least they used to be.

    And isn't the New Hampshire one a Bruce Willis movie?

  12. Great post and I'm still LOL @ Riot Kitty's comment! 🙂

  13. How did I miss this?

    Well, I live in the same state as RK. Yes, there is a beaver on the flag. But I bet she doesn't know the state bird! The state tree! The state re[tile!

    OREGON: See the trees? They're green, like the grass. That's why it f*#&!ng rains all the time. Where do you think you are, Arizona?

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