A Simple Solution to the Governments Debt Problem

Remember when you were a kid and your parents, with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other, would tell you “Do as I say, not as I do” Maybe that was just my parents, but you get the jist. Very often parents and other authority figures are hypocrites, including the U.S. government. Apparently our government has gotten itself in a bit of a pickle. They must have missed those catchy freecreditreport.com commercials because they’ve almost reached their credit limit. Unless they do some voodoo lawmaking magic our government could default on their loans in the next couple weeks.  Really, how can the government default on their loans? Didn’t they read that section on the statement that says it will take you 27 years to pay it off if you only pay the minimum? They should have chosen the 3 year amount. 

Dear President Obama, why is this a big deal? You are the United States of America! Who cares if you pay your loans back? Really, is there any chance that Tony Soprano is going to show up at the back door of the White House and break your kneecaps Kerrigan-style? Who exactly is asking us to pay these loans back right now? We are the world’s bully. Nobody takes our lunch money!

Why can’t Barack just call up Visa, Mastercard or Germany and ask them to increase the credit limit? It’s what I would do. Wouldn’t you? Maybe even ask for the same APR and 0% interest the new customers get until 2012. How can the IRS demand we pay our back taxes if they’re not doing the same?  Or here’s an idea, how about just print up some new money to pay those loans back? “Oh no that would cause inflation!” Really? How would printing new money cause inflation, especially if you don’t tell anyone you printed the extra money? Especially don’t tell Ben Bernanke. That guy is just a pain in all our asses with his interest rate roller coaster that nobody can understand. Maybe the government can write a check and just post date it until they have the money? Or just forget to to sign the check to buy some time.  This is just the kind of out of the box thinking I’ll implement when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first. Although if the government can’t sort this out before then maybe we’ll see our congressman in pirate costumes working at restaurants like the guy in the freecreditreport.com commercial. Of course lately it would be nice to see our congressmen with any kind of shirt on. 

I just want to give a little shout out to Barack, since I know Michelle subscribes to my blog on her Kindle. Look Barack, since I’m just rolling in dough from all the new subscribers I have through Kindle I’d be happy to float you a little short term loan at reasonable interest rates until you and the government can get back on your feet again. Just leave me a message in the comments section below and I’ll get back to you. 

If you enjoy my nonsense feel free to follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor or subscribe on your Amazon Kindle, just like Michelle Obama, so you’ll never miss a column.

2 responses to “A Simple Solution to the Governments Debt Problem

  1. You don't want to mess with Angela Merkel, she gave the Greeks the stink eye when they asked for bailout money.

    She might subscribe to your blog, though. She's a friendly lady when off duty.

  2. A solution for everything, Phil.

    When your made President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, will you make it free to subscribe to your blog?

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