I’m sure by now we’ve all heard the story of the bride to be who faked her own kidnapping to avoid getting married. After she was “rescued” she said the wedding wasn’t off, it was just postponed. If I’m that guy, the wedding is off. If her behavior isn’t a Rorschach test that screams “CRAZY,” then I don’t know what is. Dude, if you’re out there reading this, as I’m sure you are, think of that episode as a warning shot fired across your bow and consider yourself lucky to get out of that relationship without needing lawyers, or possibly doctors to re-attach your severed penis. Don’t get me wrong though, there may be some merit in faking your own kidnapping. Ring, ring!!! Female voice -“Hello” Caller-“Hi honey, it’s me. Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to clean out the garage today. I was kidnapped. Yeah, I’m ok, they left me at the local golf course though. Can you pick me up at 5:00?” Tomorrow I think I’ll call in kidnapped to work. I think I have to. They won’t believe I have mad cow disease again.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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