Yes, we all have cell phones, but some people use them differently than others. There are those of us who have our cell phones and use then occasionally if we are going to be away from a land line for a while. That’s fine with me. Then there are those who use their cell phones as if they’re on some organ donor transplant recipient list and every call could save their lives. But of course these dolts are never on a transplant list. They also seem to think that because they’re on the phone no one but the person they’re talking with can hear them. And apparently the person on the other side of their phone call is always deaf because the cell phone people are always talking really loudly. Usually their conversations involve the trials and tribulations of their trivial little lives. “So then he tells me that he can’t go to my cousins wedding with me because he already made plans with his friend. You know what the plans are? I found out from his friends’ sisters’ roommate that they’re taking Carl to a strip club in Canada for his birthday.” I especially hate the cell phone people who are on their cell phones at work. They’re walking around a building in which they have an office with a desk with a real phone right there. What the hell is so important that you can’t wait until you’ve walked to the other end of the hall to make that call? Or how about when you’re in line at a store and the cashier is on the phone with her friend? I always make sure to ask some inane question just to interrupt. How about the people who walk around all day with the hands free headset on whether they’re actually on a call or not. Look, unless you’re a pilot, an air traffic controller or the kid at the McDonald’s drive thru window there is no freakin’ reason you need to be wearing a headset. Take it off. We’re not impressed. There is nothing in your life that important and everyone else already knows it. To all you cell phone people I would just like to say that I hope the rumors of cell phone caused brain tumors are true. I’d love to see an MRI of one of these dopes heads. It would be hysterical to see a cell phone shaped tumor right there wouldn’t it?
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure, parapsychologist, author of several humorous suspense novels and one of the longest running blogs in the world, The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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