For my feelings about cell phone people scroll back a bit to read Cell Phone People Part 2 and the original Cell Phone People posting (you may have to go to the May archives for that). Needless to say, I’m not a big fan of these public nuisances. Unfortunately I have a problem now. I’ve was given a nice, shiny, new cell phone for a present recently. My previous cell phone was so prehistoric, by cell phone standards, that I never carried it on my person. Actually, I couldn’t carry it on me. It was so big and heavy that I had to lug it around in my car. I kept it in my glove compartment (where I have never kept a single glove), and would only take it out in the event that I needed it to save my own life. The way I would use my cell phone to save my life would be that I could tip it over onto a car jacker, crushing him to death instantly. My cell phone was so old that having a rotary dial on it was an option. I splurged for the touch tone model though. Now, I have a tiny, shiny phone with millions of ring tones and little animated graphics and games. It folds in half and is so small I think I could smuggle it through airport customs in a body cavity. Now I find myself carrying it, opening it to check the time, and occasionally making calls on it. During a normal day I have millions of the inane thoughts that I chronicle here, but only a few make it to my long term memory and then later to this blog. Now I have a device that will allow me to communicate my every thought the moment I have it. As much as I like that idea, I also realize someone would probably have me institutionalized before my minutes ran out. Fortunately for everyone, it’s not a camera phone. Today I actually found myself thinking, “Hmmmm…maybe I need one of those earpieces so I can talk on my phone while driving.” AAAAAAIIIIIIGHH!!!!! I’m turning into one of them! Someone stop me before I start downloading ring tones of my favorite 80’s bands. If I ever figure out how the voicemail operates I’ll post my number here so you can all call and leave me messages. That could be funny.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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