You know how they say that people see in color but dogs see in black and white? I’m not sure who “they” are, but if this is true, I have a whole other level to add to this theory. A sort of evolutionary ladder of color sensitivity if you will. It goes like this: Dogs see in black and white. Men see the primary colors: red, blue, green, yellow, black, and white. Women see another whole spectrum of colors that are undetectable to men. These colors include: Mauve, fuscia, magenta, teal, periwinkle, and many others that I’m sure I haven’t heard of. Once when looking for paint for my house I made the mistake of thinking I was looking at white paint. It turns out it was eggshell. In fact, I was stunned to find out that there are two different colors of teal, teal-blue, and teal-green. They were pointed out to me and for the life of me I couldn’t tell the difference. If Martha Stewart is responsible for these I’d like to see her sent back to prison. Her and that stupid poncho look she started. Morning, noon, or night now, summer or winter, you see women wearing ponchos. What the hell is a poncho but a blanket with a hole in it. No sleeves, no hood. What a total rip off. The poncho makers are making a fortune by selling half made coats. And of course the ponchos come in most of those colors that men don’t recognize. You know who I actually think is responsible for this other spectrum of colors? The people who make bridesmaids dresses. Have you ever heard of a bridesmaids dress in a normal color? In fact, female camouflage is probably just an entire outfit of fuscia. If a women was dressed head to toe in that color there is no way a man could spot her even in the same room. Just to illustrate my point, I want you to know that I ran spell-check on this and it didn’t recognize the words fuscia, teal, or ponchos.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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