When Snow White went house hunting, she just walked into the woods and there it was. I’m house hunting now. Unless you have several million dollars, getting one house ready to sell while trying to buy another is about as much fun as shaving with a cheese grater. I’m selling my house because I thought it was too small. In preparing to put my house on the market I’ve done a lot of cleaning and fixing up. Now it’s so nice I wish I could live in it. In fact, with much less clutter I think I’ve added about 100 square feet to the inside of my home. Remember how Snow White’s house also came with 7 little men? Sometimes houses in real life come with people in them too. In one house I looked at there was an old lady in a housecoat asleep in a chair in the corner. If she was more attractive and willing to cook and clean I might have condsidered buying. Another house I looked at featured the owner sitting barefoot in a chair watching television. I definitely did not want a house his bare feet had been walking around in. If Bigfoot had invested about $30 in a pedicure he probably could have sold his house a lot quicker. All in all, at this point if I can find a decent house in my price range with 4 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths I think I might tolerate 7 little men already living in it if they’re willing to wash the dishes now and then. But if those little bastards wake me up with their incessant singing and whistling there’s going to be hell to pay.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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