When Snow White went house hunting, she just walked into the woods and there it was. I’m house hunting now. Unless you have several million dollars, getting one house ready to sell while trying to buy another is about as much fun as shaving with a cheese grater. I’m selling my house because I thought it was too small. In preparing to put my house on the market I’ve done a lot of cleaning and fixing up. Now it’s so nice I wish I could live in it. In fact, with much less clutter I think I’ve added about 100 square feet to the inside of my home. Remember how Snow White’s house also came with 7 little men? Sometimes houses in real life come with people in them too. In one house I looked at there was an old lady in a housecoat asleep in a chair in the corner. If she was more attractive and willing to cook and clean I might have condsidered buying. Another house I looked at featured the owner sitting barefoot in a chair watching television. I definitely did not want a house his bare feet had been walking around in. If Bigfoot had invested about $30 in a pedicure he probably could have sold his house a lot quicker. All in all, at this point if I can find a decent house in my price range with 4 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths I think I might tolerate 7 little men already living in it if they’re willing to wash the dishes now and then. But if those little bastards wake me up with their incessant singing and whistling there’s going to be hell to pay.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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I once looked at a house that was on sale where the guy was into lots of deer, gnomes, elves and such cluttering up his lawn. I wasn’t really interested in buying the house, but told him that if I bought that the gnomes and elves would have to come with it. There was an actual look of horror in his eyes. Dude liked his dwarfs.
Phil, do i have the house for you!>For Sale :~ 4 bedroom home, 2 bathrooms, an office,rumpus room, large lounge dining area, galley kitchen. Tropical gardens complete with garden shed and small inground heated pool. Gardens have watering system in place, including a well,house is fully fenced. House situated 30 minutes from major city and 15 minutes from schools. Situated one street back from secluded beach.>Price….$500,000AU
Hilarious stuff. The “Not a Sport” entry is my fave thus far.>>Esbee 🙂
I apologize; I don’t have anything with which to spam you.>One would think it’s almost obligatory.
1. Michelle- I’ll take it if I can figure out how much $500,000 AU is in my money. >>2. Esbee- I have no idea where the spam came from all of a sudden, but thanks for visiting.
Should be round $470,000AM dollars, the only thing i forgot to mention was that you’ll have to move your entire family to OZ!
I don’t mind moving to Oz, it’s the $470,000 that might be the problem. My price range is a little lower than that.
Moving to OZ? Wow….Oz is complete with munchkins *sort of like dwarves* and that happy yellow brick road..you can skip and sing all the way to work. >>But I dare say that it’s a little expensive for Oz, I’ve SEEN the houses there, that one was ripped up by a tornado and those ones with the “dwarves” were too little for anyone to function properly in them. The one had a WITCH on top of it, and although a great conversation piece, I would suppose her cackling would keep you up at night. And that green monstrosity…who wants to live in a house made of emerald? Imagine the property tax….
I just went through the process a month ago of selling a house while buying a house and it sucks, I think I teetered on the edge of insanity the whole time and I even sold my house in 4 days and found my new house in that same week. Unfortunately I could not find a house that came with house elves to do my crappy work. If only… Instead I have a lazy dog and a lazy cat, creatures that could really benefit from opposable digits, so they could do my bidding.
Sounds like Abrasivist needs to move to OZ. >Why don’t you just keep living there?
You are hilarious. I came over from Michelle’s blog and haven’t stopped laughing since. Good Blog!