I wonder, at what point in your life you stop being cool? Some people never achieve “cool.” Of course, if you’re reading my blog you obviously qualify as cool. If you are reading my blog, I obviously qualify as cool too. Most of us at some point in our lives figure we’re pretty cool, and very often others think we are too. Some people have cool only briefly, like Pee Wee Herman and the Spice Girls, while others maintain it forever, like Sean Connery and The Beatles. In recent weeks I have been informed by my 12, almost 13 year old son, that I am not “cool.” There was a time he considered everything I did “cool.” How dare he say I’m not cool! This is coming from a small person who can’t drive, who doesn’t have a credit card, who’s never had sex, and who, until today, did not even have a cell phone. No offense to my son, but he is so not cool. He has no idea. To him, the epitome of cool is having an earring and a bitchin’ skateboard with flame decals on it. (He would be so embarrassed that I described his skateboard as “bitchin'” I don’t really use that word either, unless I’m making a joke, which he also hates me doing) I’m mean really, in the guy way of keeping score, I totally rule over him. I have done so many cool things that he is years away from approaching. C’mon, I’ve had sex. He can’t even say I’m lying about that. He is my proof. Really, to a 13 year old, what could be cooler than sex? Of course, being a good Dad, I won’t throw that in his face. If we played the Kevin Bacon game I could connect myself to so many famous people it would make his head spin! Has he ever met any famous people? I’m drinking a beer right now. Just because I can. The next time he drinks a beer will be his first and it will probably be a huge deal. To me it’s nothing. HA HA HA! The only reason that little punk has any cool concert t-shirts is because I go to the concerts and buy them for him! If he says I’m not cool one more time I’m grounding him! How’s that for cool? Let’s see the little man enjoy his cool in his room until tomorrow! You all think I’m cool, right? Right? Uh… hello? Is anyone there?
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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