My So Called Mid-Life Crisis

I’m thinking about having a mid-life crisis. Part of my problem is that since I don’t plan to die, I’m not sure when my “mid-life” will be. Despite my vow never to die, I’m having a hard time convincing my body that it doesn’t have to get older. When your cholesterol score is higher than your SAT score it might be time to acknowledge the aging process. If I don’t start eating better, after my first heart attack the doctors will tell me they found an entire McNugget lodged in my aorta. Sadly, I realize that I no longer have the body of an 18 year old, but that’s only because my wife found out about her and we had to stop dating. A lot of people hear Snap, Crackle, and Pop in the morning, but now it comes from my joints. So far I’m too ashamed to dye my hair to hide the gray that is creeping in at the temples, so I’ve started telling people that I’m adding gray highlights. I’m hoping to convince enough people that it will become a new trend. From watching television and movies, mid-life crises look to be really fun. Should I quit my job, find the Dali Llama and take up transcendental basket weaving? I’d buy a sports car, but I’m already pretty happy with the car I’ve got. I’m not really questioning my identity or place in life, but just completely going nuts for a while seems like a pretty fun idea. So needless to say, before I am forced to admit that I am in fact aging, I’d like to start a mid-life crisis just to have one last fling at re-capturing my quickly fading youth. I’m just not sure how to get started. Any suggestions?

8 responses to “My So Called Mid-Life Crisis

  1. well..that ALSO depends one what year you were born in.If you were born in the late 60’s, and grew up in the 70…then the obvious answer is to sell your car, buy a 71 Nova, smoke a lot of pot and listen to pink flyod….while quitting your job, and taking one at McDonalds, where you have the LEAST amount of responsibility possible.If you were born in the 70’s and grew up in the 80’s….then the answer would be to tease out your hair, buy a van, put a teardrop window in the back, plus a mattress. Throw on a Motley Crue t-shirt, and a pair of acid wash jeans….and stay out all night going to concerts…..Suggestions.

  2. I’m with you…I’m crackling and popping and going to bed way earlier than I used to. I’m not worried about it anymore. I’m still active and I’m going to enjoy the hell out of life.Alas…you’re married…that means no torrid love affair.

  3. I just say live life to the full Phil. Just enjoy what life has to offer 🙂

  4. Hmmm…. mid life crisis huh. Well, having the unfortunate opportunity to work with more then one man in the midst of a mid life crisis, these are usually the tell tale signs I’ve seen.1. Lots of gold. Necklaces, rings, even an earring in a few cases.2. A really cool car. The sportier and convertable, the better. 3. Skin tanned to an unrecognizable leathery brown.4. Goatee’s seem to be the in thing for the midlife crisis crew where I work right now. If you want to do it right, you have to die your hair at least 3 shades darker then the goatee. That’s what really seals the deal.5. Using catch phrases that nobody has used in 10 years.

  5. i say you start jumping up and down on couches and telling the world how much you love katie holmes and then start spewing psychiatric advice on national television…. or has that already been done???i’m having a quarter-life crisis. in my mid 20’s. i plan on having the third-life crisis in my early 30’s. then my midlife. then my 2/3 crisis in 60’s. then my 3/4 life crisis at 75 when i break my hip. after that…i think i’ll be too senile to do fractions. and this is assuming i live to be 100

  6. Princess- Great ideas. Linny- Really? Being married rules out an affair? Damn!Sherri- As you can see, I’ve already got the goatee, so I’m off to a good start.Michelle- Live life to the fullest? Next you’ll be telling that I should take each day as it comes, stop and smell the roses, appreciate what I’ve got! My sould doesn’t need any chicken soup, it wants burgers and fries.Fu- If you go back to a couple of my posts in late June/early July you’ll see that I’ve provided clear evidence that Tom Cruise and I were switched at birth, so your Katie Holmes suggestion isn’t as far off as it seems.

  7. Maybe you should buy a motorcycle. They are inexpensive and sexy. A good combo for the “aging” man.

  8. A motorcycle is also great for inducing death when in an accident. I’m am against anything that might lead to my own death. By the way,thanks for referring to me as “aging.”

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