Under Pressure

Ding Ding Ding Da Duh Ding Ding. Ding Ding Ding Da Duh Ding Ding. (This is the David Bowie/Queen version, not the lame Vanilla Ice rip off version) Now that you know what those first two lines mean, go back and sing them aloud to the tune. I spelled it out pretty damn good didn’t I? Until you actually try to spell out those nonsense phrases from songs, you don’t realize how hard it is to make up words. Apparently people like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are much smarter than we give them credit for. The reason for the title of this post is that I’m feeling blog pressure. It’s apparently not the kind of pressure that extra dietary fiber will help with. Other than my ridiculous musings about trying to sell my house or the adolescent antics of me and a bunch of other drunk, middle aged men I generally don’t reveal too much about what goes on in my day to day life. Don’t get your hopes up. That’s not going to change now. This blog is sort of an outlet for an old hobby. I used to occasionally do stand-up comedy and despite having left that tragic part of my life behind, I still get the urge to make fun of everything. That can sometimes cause a problem in the world of working adults who don’t see the humor in everything. The blog pressure I speak of is the pressure of trying to find something amusing or funny to say at least every 48 hours. I do say funny and amusing things on a regular basis throughout every day, but who wants to read a blog post that says, “Boy my day at work was really tough! …and so I said to my supervisor, ‘That’s why form 304E was in the circular file! HA HA HA HA!” My goal is to be at slightly more amusing than a Dilbert cartoon. I mean, it’s funny when the rest of you do it. I really love that. I do, but it’s just not me. This is sad. I’m just rambling here like that guy in your college residence hall who gets high every day and always corners you in the elevator so he can use that old line, “What if we’re really all just characters in someone’s dream? What happens when that person wakes up?” AAAAIGH! More pressure! I don’t want to ramble, yet I have nothing amusing or pithy to say. This is like high school all over again. I want to have a popular and interesting blog, but what do I do when I have nothing to say? I suppose I could get drunk and hope that I come out of my shell. That person was always fun in school wasn’t he/she? That getting drunk to impress people thing never seems to work. If you’re a girl you end up having sex with someone you didn’t want, and if you’re a guy you usually throw up on someone you wanted to have sex with. Well, if you’ve read this far without leaving I guess you’re really my new best friend. Imagine how much I might write when I don’t have writer’s block.

13 responses to “Under Pressure

  1. Hey Phil…You don’t have to BE funny you are fun. I think everyone reads your blog because they relate in some way. You have put too much pressure on yourself…relax and be Phil. That is who everyone wants!

  2. “I want to have a popular and interesting blog, but what do I do when I have nothing to say?”Ah, the eternal blogger’s quandry. Personally, when I have nothing to say, I do a lame post and link to someone else who is amusing or interesting. I made it to the end–am I really your new best friend? Tess

  3. Michigan! It’s nice to see you here!

  4. Tess- Yes, you are my new best friend. Until I get another comment.

  5. I do the same as Tess, I’m not as good at writing as some and I’m really not all that quick witted (though I think sarcasm is the highest form of humor.) When I can’t think of anything to post I’ll just link. Of course, there are times when I can’t find anything to link to either. It’s at those times that I just don’t write anything. I just fantasize that those who read my blog on a semi-regular basis will be thinking to themselves, “Wow, he must really be pondering something.” Of course, this probably isn’t true, but hey, I can’t live without a rich fantasy life.

  6. Breathe…No pressure. Most of the time I just like reading people’s thoughts. I don’t necessarily check blogs only to be amused 🙂Oh…and breathe.-N

  7. Hey, I made it to the end too. BTW, I wouldn’t come back if you didn’t humor me. Lois Lane

  8. Are you kidding me? You’re always funny. But we all go through blog pressure…hell, I’ve had it since the day I started my blog. (Which, incidently will explain tomorrow’s post.)

  9. I cant TOTALLY relate to trying to spell sounds. I wrote that post about those songs that stick in your head….UGH. Try to spell Menah Menah, and all accompanying lyrical sounds.

  10. Thanks everyone. As serendipity would have it, I’ve stumbled upon my next idea. But as soon as I write that, then I’m out of ideas again!

  11. I love that song but I have to disagree. Having recently heard it performed live by a David Bowie Tribute band I would have to say it goes like this:Dah Dah Dah Dada Dah DahIf you lived in SC I’d invite you to come with me this friday night to hear two tribute bands Bowie AND Queen playing together and they will do this song (I asked)Sorry, I didn’t even read the rest of your post I got distracted by the first line….I’ll go read it inow

  12. Phil, I feel bad for not reading your blog BEFORE I dissed your tune…please forgive me. I read your blog all the time and it is one of my favorites! I am not saying that to be nice, I swear.For cyring outloud you have more humor in your little finger than most people have in their entire body. Just be you!!! You’re a good writer.

  13. Thank you Well Woman. I truly appreciate you compliment.

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