Celebrate Good Times, C’mon!

I’m a sports fan. I enjoy playing sports and watching them. I wish I enjoyed my job as much as professional athletes do. These guys seem to celebrate virtually any move they make as if they’ve just vanquished a lethal foe or won the lottery. Well if it’s good enough for professional athletes it’s good enough for me. I think we should all approach our jobs with the verve and zest for life that professional athletes do. Starting tomorrow I’m going to dance and hoot and pose every time I perform any basic function of my job. I work in an office. This should go over well. The first time I manage to run off a few copies that get collated and stapled I’m shouting out “Who’s the Man?!!?” After my mailman spikes my bills into my mailbox I’d like to see him give me a chest bump and then do a backflip off of my front step. During a colonscopy why don’t we hear more doctors shout “No polyps here! Not in MY house!!” When I go to the bank to deposit the enormous check I make from writing this blog I want to hit fists with the teller and the see her hop up on the counter and do the worm (that’s not so much funny as it is a fantasy of mine). If I don’t get a raise at my next performance evaluation at work I can’t wait to do the throat slash gesture and back out of the room pointing ominously at my supervisor. That will let her know who’s the man.

I suppose it’s great that professional athletes take so much pride in their work. Some day I hope I have a job I enjoy as much as they do. Until then I think I’ll employ these ideas in my sex life. “Hey baby, you want a piece of me? Who’s the man? Bring it on!” I’ll be keeping a 20 gallon container of Gatorade next to the bed for the final celebration.