As a citizen who is very concerned with the future of global warming, tropical rainforests, and the I.Q. of every man, woman, and child on the planet, I do not believe that famous people should be allowed to date or marry each other. What do celebrity relationships have to do with the environment you ask? Thanks for asking. I’ll tell you. Consider what the public at large has been subjected to over the past 12 months: Tom and Katie, Ben and Jennifer, Brad and Angelina, Nick and Jessica, and of course the other Jennifer’s angst over Brad. If you sing that all really fast you could probably get something like Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire.” See? Even without their last names almost everyone on planet Earth knows who they are and what, or who they’ve been doing. Had all of these celebs elected to date John or Jane Doe’s, probably no less than 6 weekly or monthly magazines would go out of business. People, Us, Star, Celebrity, The Sun, etc.. Without all of these magazines more trees would survive, thus ensuring a healthy and happy planet for our grandchildren. If Nick and Jessica had never laid eyes on each other we’d probably have been able to save a rainforest the size of Greenland. Another point to consider for the celebs to consider before choosing their mate is the abysmal success rate of celebrity marriages. There’s only one celebrity marriage I know of that has stood the test of time without inundating the public periodicals and airwaves with their inane trials and tribulations: Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman. I don’t mind them. They’re cute because they’re little.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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