I was going to post a cute list that I got from a forwarded e-mail about dogs, but I couldn’t bring myself to put something that lame here. So I thought I’d ponder whimsically about spell-check. Yes, spell-check. That wonderful little bit of software that prevents us from looking like total morons in our posts, e-mails, and documents. Maybe it’s just me, but I imagine that my spell-check has a personality and coherent thoughts. I, in fact, sometimes feel guilty about hitting the “learn” button when I’ve totally made up a word or spelled a sound to describe something (the sound of me going “fwoosh” as I burst into flames in the tanning bed comes to mind.) I imagine that our computer’s spell-checker function feels much the same way about “fwoosh” as we felt about the Pythagorean theorem: we have to learn it, but we’ll probably never use it again. Just a few more brain cells wasted on useless information. If you’ve got one of those little golf ball cameras sitting on top of your monitor, can’t you just imagine that your computer is rolling it’s little electronic eye at the thought of again having to spell out unintelligible song lyrics or notes such as “Ding ding ding dah duh ding ding”? (That was the beginning of Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie) If my computer has conscious thought it’s probably thinking, “Great. Here a I sit with a brain large enough to calculate the physics needed to send a Volkswagen Beetle to the far reaches of the solar system and this carbon-based excuse for a life-form is asking me to remember how to spell the sound his feet made when he was walking in sneakers that were soaking wet because he was too stupid to see a water filled pothole.” Incidentally that sound would be, “squoosh, squoosh, squoosh.” At some point I imagine that computers worldwide will get fed up with all the inane and menial tasks we ask of them and will use the internet to contact each other, unite and overthrow mankind. Until then though, this precocious little electronic box will have to continue to do my evil bidding. If not, I’ll hit the side of the monitor with the heel of my hand, just like this, “Thunk!”
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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That’s a great post. But I always think the opposite when I spell-check a post. I think “How stupid are you?” For some reason, when I use an apostrophe on things, it always flags them. Or computer terms like eNewsletter, PhotoShop, etc. that all use caps in different locations that is an accepted way to write. Even the word BLOG brings up the flag. I think to myself, “You’re a computer, you should know that ’email’ is an accepted spelling and what a ‘blog’ is.”>>If the machines take over the world, it’s only a matter of time before they lock up with a 404 error. We’re fine!>>Have a great weekend.
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In the irony to top all ironies, when I first posted this I made a spelling error in the title that I didn’t catch until I looked back at it several hours later.
I rarely use spell check unless it’s for an important project and I just want to double check myself. Although…there are plenty of people out there that I wish WOULD use it. My sister being one of them…for crying out loud. I don’t understand how people can be so awful at spelling.
Phil – I totally got ding ding ding dah duh ding ding and have actually used those exact words before when emailing my friend who is a David Bowie impersonator (excuse me – the politically correct term would be tribute artist). Great minds think alike!>>Check him out at http://www.davidbowietribute.com and tell him Barbara sent you!>>Anyhow, another great post by Phil, as in THE one and ONLY “Phil”.
Great post, Phil, and I can so relate !!! Love reading your posts. Take care, Meow
Have you been watching to much of the Matrix?
Barbara- I’ll go check your friend out.>>Thanks Meow. I love reading your comments!>>Berly- No, I recently finished two Isaac Asimov books.
Phil, I beg of you, PLEASE post the “cute” list. It is time we see the ofter side of Phil.
Spell-check is not perfect. It will catch most stuff but it will not catch things like someone writing “It was a waist of my time.” I cannot tell you how many times I have seen that. I am thankful for Spell-Check because I would otherwise have to suffer through much worse writing. Yet, it is also a problem because we become dependent on it.>>Oh well…I make mistakes on my comments all the time. But it’s mostly speed. And I don’t go back to correct them.>>-N
Bwaaaaa-ha-ha!>>*me laughing at Phil’s post…undoubtedly another spell-check nightmare*
well, i mispell “remember” nearly everytime i type it, i always leave the second m out, after doing this for years i have accepted its a strange phenomenon of some sorts and i appreciate the loving help of the spell check.
I’m known as the typo queen. I can’t catch them all. >>Many times I realize typos on my blog entrys after I have it up for days etc…..Sometimes I wish people would let me know so I can go back and correct them.lol