Over the last 15 years tattoos have become so mainstream popular that it could be considered rebellious not to have one. I have no problem with tattoos, the people who have them, or the people who don’t. I’m sure many of those people have a problem with me however, but most people’s problems with me have very little to do with whether or not they have a tattoo. What I love most about tattoos is the stories behind them. Some people have very thoughtful and interesting stories about why they chose the picture they did to permanently adorn their bodies with. Other people are just idiots when it comes to this sort of thing. These are the people I want to write about because they’re much funnier.
The best group is the neck tattoo people. If you’re going to have something tattooed on your neck you better damn well be sure that you’ll never change your mind. Through my job I once knew a couple who had each others names tattooed on the side of their necks. Yup, you guessed it. They broke up. If you’re going to have a name tattooed on your neck, why not your own? That way if you were to die without any I.D. on you the police would be able to figure it out. Drunken strangers who wanted to hit on you in a crowded bar could call out your name. Or if you went home with that same stranger and you needed to yell out their name in the throes of passion you’d have a little cheat sheet right in front of you. If you wanted to yell at a passing driver who just spent the last 40 miles on your tail with his hi-beams on, you could curse him by name.
Sometimes people also choose to express their political or philosophical opinions in their tattoos. There was the young gentleman I was behind in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World. He was particularly proud of his political affiliation. His neck tattoo simply said, “skinhead.” What if years down the road he decides to become a Republican? Oops! Bad example. I guess he wouldn’t have to change the tattoo after all.
Then of course some of the most popular tattoos are cartoon characters. I may be mistaken, but don’t tattoos last forever? I’m pretty sure Scooby Doo is going to be cancelled before then. Same with Winnie the Pooh and Peanuts. 40 years from now who wants to explain to their grandchildren that they liked a t.v. show enough that they had it tattooed on their ass? Why only tattoo cartoon characters on your body? If you like any t.v. show that much, then go ahead and have the star tattooed on your body. I’m sure an Oprah tattoo would look great. Then again if your ass if big enough to have Oprah tattooed on it you should probably be considering getting your stomach stapled instead.