The Guy Code of Conduct

Men are complicated beings. So complicated in fact, that it’s entirely possible that we are a completely different species than women, evolved from alien beings who once colonized the planet. I’m pretty sure that the aliens came here in search of women. We are so complicated that we’ve established an extensive set of rules by which to lead our lives. None of these rules have ever been written down. What I am about to do here may get me kicked out of the club. One of the rules is that we are never to explain the rules to women. There is one caveat to that rule. There is one rule that supersedes every other rule in The Guy Code of Conduct:

1. “You can break any rule in The Code or in any country in the world, if you are trying to score with a chick.” Yes, it actually says “chick” in our book. Don’t blame me, I didn’t write it. The Guy Code was actually found carved into two stone tablets dating back thousands of years that were discovered in a cave. I believe that the author of the rules was some guy named Adam. Now I’m skirting the rules here because of course you all know that I’m so sensitive and intellectual that I’d never use my blog to hit on women. I would never corrupt my art in that way. Men the world over respect each other’s need to sometimes break the laws of their country in order to pursue a women whom we desire. Why do you think Clarence Thomas was elected to the Supreme Court despite the allegations of sexual harassment at a former job? In our meeting we did severely reprimand him for the harassment and he was given lessons on how to talk to women respectfully. We didn’t want him to go around embarrassing us like that. Bill Clinton got away with the whole Monica Lewinsky thing didn’t he? Granted, there’s no accounting for taste. No doubt I could go on and on listing crimes that men have allowed other men to get away with simply because the end goal was pursuing a woman.

2. “Never explain the rules to women. If they understood us they might enslave us. Until they explain their rules to us, we’re not explaining ourselves to them. For exceptions to rule number 2, see rule number 1.”

This may be the first in a series of posts revealing The Guy Code of Conduct. If any of you have specific questions about the unexplained behavior of guys, let me know and I’ll bet I can come up with an explanation based on a rule in The Code.

24 responses to “The Guy Code of Conduct

  1. Thank god someone is finally writing this down. Ya’ll have been baffling us for years. 😉

  2. Enslavement huh?And just which “chick” are you trying to get with by telling the secrets you men hold so dear?

  3. Hey Phil (: Thanks for dropping by -I soo need to update my blog….which accounts for only 10% of myself! male code? hmph….I believe it is just another lame excuse you males are so good at -tehe

  4. Do girls really find the word Chick offensive? I dont, i think its funny…but then I still refer to people as boys and girls…..people can be so uptight about labels, and words.

  5. Phil dear, you are very funny! The way I see it, you don’t fit the typical male mold anyway. Somehow, you have found a way to “communicate” with females. Though we may not always like what you have to say or agree with you for that matter, you have mastered the art of communication. BTW, I don’t mind being called a chick…makes me feel younger!!!

  6. Thanks for the laugh Phil. I love your blog and am looking very forward to future posts which explain the “guy code”. Too funny!!

  7. I always thought there was only two guy rules anyway:1) get2) laid Well, I DO look forward to the future revelations!

  8. Trouble- I’m sure women have their own set of secret rules that men can’t decipher. Will you start writing about them?Berly- Shhhh! I’m not trying to get with anyone, but that’s the story I’m telling the guys just so I can get away with writing this. BTW, if it was going to be anyone, it would be you of course.Mahemma- Thanks for stopping by! Welcome to The Phil Factor!Princess- I think this series of posts might be especially useful for you. (No offense meant of course)

  9. Kim- Long time, no see! You are definitely a chick then, in fact, one of the best!Dzeni-Thank you, I’m glad you commented. I’ll keep adding the Guy Code posts as long as they let me live.Tai- Like I said, we’re far more complicated than women realize. We’re not the lawless heathens you imply we are, unless that turns you on, in which case, we definitely are.

  10. god forbid i’d ever reveal the sacred rules of chickdom. 😉

  11. Phil – YOU are supposed to be finding me a guy remember?? I want a refund…

  12. Princess- If you give a man a fish you have fed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish you have fed him for a lifetime. By giving away The Code I’m teaching you how to fish.

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  14. I dont want to learn to fish…I want someone to catch it for me, and get it all ready for me…and then serve it to me…on a silver platter. =)

  15. Men are not fish. Please stop objectifying us. We have brains and feelings to ya’ know!

  16. OHHH…Phil…I dont think of you as objects….i think of you guys as commodity. LOL

  17. Well that’s better then. Thank you.

  18. Thanks for dropping by my new blog. Guy code, huh? Well, I got a guy who explains all that stuff to me. Yeah he is trying to score, if he knows what’s good for him!!! Tawnya

  19. Phil – I went back to full time work a few months ago, and it has taken me a while to get into a routine. I just didn’t have enough time before (no internet at work).But I seem to have relapsed so severely that I’m making time. At 1am I make time. Anyway it is Friday night. I’ll let my hair down! Go wild! Search the internet!

  20. LOL! This was really great!How do you come up with this stuff?

  21. phil, seriously, boys are so uncomplicated. as already stated, boys are simple – get.laid.tonight was my first time ‘out’ in a bar in several months and i’m convinced… guys, awful. all of them.<>‘cept the cute dude in the lime green shirt. yeah, you know who you are.<>

  22. Those are great, Phil … looking forward to more. Don’t necessarily agree with them (I’m a chick, after all !!), but they are very good.

  23. Ah, you’ve piqued my interest. I like boys, but I can never figure them out. Looking forward to some future revelations. Maybe there should be a handbook for men. Although I typically refer to that as Cosmopolitan Magazine.

  24. so I want to know who you were after…it said you have to be after some one in order to break rule one right?

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