Men are complicated beings. So complicated in fact, that it’s entirely possible that we are a completely different species than women, evolved from alien beings who once colonized the planet. I’m pretty sure that the aliens came here in search of women. We are so complicated that we’ve established an extensive set of rules by which to lead our lives. None of these rules have ever been written down. What I am about to do here may get me kicked out of the club. One of the rules is that we are never to explain the rules to women. There is one caveat to that rule. There is one rule that supersedes every other rule in The Guy Code of Conduct:
1. “You can break any rule in The Code or in any country in the world, if you are trying to score with a chick.” Yes, it actually says “chick” in our book. Don’t blame me, I didn’t write it. The Guy Code was actually found carved into two stone tablets dating back thousands of years that were discovered in a cave. I believe that the author of the rules was some guy named Adam. Now I’m skirting the rules here because of course you all know that I’m so sensitive and intellectual that I’d never use my blog to hit on women. I would never corrupt my art in that way. Men the world over respect each other’s need to sometimes break the laws of their country in order to pursue a women whom we desire. Why do you think Clarence Thomas was elected to the Supreme Court despite the allegations of sexual harassment at a former job? In our meeting we did severely reprimand him for the harassment and he was given lessons on how to talk to women respectfully. We didn’t want him to go around embarrassing us like that. Bill Clinton got away with the whole Monica Lewinsky thing didn’t he? Granted, there’s no accounting for taste. No doubt I could go on and on listing crimes that men have allowed other men to get away with simply because the end goal was pursuing a woman.
2. “Never explain the rules to women. If they understood us they might enslave us. Until they explain their rules to us, we’re not explaining ourselves to them. For exceptions to rule number 2, see rule number 1.”
This may be the first in a series of posts revealing The Guy Code of Conduct. If any of you have specific questions about the unexplained behavior of guys, let me know and I’ll bet I can come up with an explanation based on a rule in The Code.