Who could resist an offer like that? On my way from one work location to another I hit a fast food drive through and parked my car in a plaza so I could listen to the radio and eat my lunch. When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a sign advertising FREE HUMAN HAIR here. I stared across the parking lot at this sign, questions swirling through my mind. What business could possibly be giving away human hair as an enticement? Where do they get all the human hair that they must be giving away as part of this amazing offer? Are there clerks in the back busy shaving each others heads and bodies? Does it come in a bag, as a wig, or do you get the whole scalp? Can you pick the hair you get? Would I look better as a blonde? This was too good to be true. There had to be a catch.
FREE HUMAN HAIR. The sign was taunting me, teasing me, daring me to find out more. I finished my lunch and slipped my car into gear. I tentatively eased off the clutch, allowing my vehicle to roll forward of its own accord. I couldn’t just drive away and go on with the rest of my life. For better or worse, I had to know. FREE HUMAN HAIR. As I drew closer, feeling as if some type of gravity were pulling me forward, I saw other small emblems in the shop window. Was this some sort of occult store offering FREE HUMAN HAIR for voodoo dolls or Satanic rituals? Was I really going there of my own volition, or was I perhaps the equivalent of a fly seduced into the jaws of a Venus Flytrap by the sweet smell. FREE HUMAN HAIR. Did the denizens within see me trying to sneak up on them in a 2000 pound vehicle. Of course they saw me. I was a fool to think they wouldn’t. Am I going to draw this out any longer, or am I going to tell you what happened? Obviously, as evidenced by my writing here, I survived to tell the tale.
I pulled up to the curb in front of the little shop. How could they possibly be doing this in plain sight within 30 meters of a police station? FREE HUMAN HAIR. The sign and I regarded each other warily. I looked closer at the bottom of the sign. Beneath FREE HUMAN HAIR there was small print. “And there’s the catch,” I muttered to myself. Getting FREE HUMAN HAIR was not something just anyone would be willing to do. “Damn it,” I thought. “This is going to be more costly than I ever imagined.” It wouldn’t cost me my eternal soul, but the cost would be steep. “With the purchase of a pair of women’s shoes $60.00 or more.” Needless to say, they’re those little strappy numbers with the stiletto heels that make my calves look amazing. And yes, I do look better as a blonde.