May The Rain In Spain Fall Mainly on David Blaine

I know that most of you have heard the name. He’s that jackass who keeps closing himself inside things and expecting us to watch. That’s not a stuntman or a magician, that’s a not very bright 4 year old. Why the international media continues to cover this guy is beyond me. Here are a list of recent “accomplishments”: he spent 6 weeks in a box suspended above a street in London, he had himself frozen in a block of ice, he spent a week in a glass box in a hole in a New York City street, and he spent 35 hours on top of a pole in New York.

Right now he’s busy spending a week in a big fish bowl. Big freakin’ deal. Fish do that all the time and they have brains no bigger than a piece of rice. Fish also swim around in their own crap. Do you think David Blaine is going to do that? He’s going to have a catheter to remove his urine, but where will his feces go? Probably into someone’s entree at TGI Fridays. Of course he’s not going to swim around in his own crap. He’ll probably get out, take a crap, have a sandwich, and get a new oxygen tank. Now if we screwed a top on his fish bowl and dropped food in once a day I’d be impressed if he lasted the week. After a few days in the water can you imagine the George Costanza-like shrinkage he’s going to have? He’ll be lucky if he has more than a mushroom cap visible down there for the next six months. No thank you. I’ll keep my equipment on the outside of my body where it belongs. Then, on Monday, ABC is going to televise him trying to hold his breath for 9 minutes. Again, big freakin’ deal! I remember in study hall in the 7th grade my friend and I would always take turns seeing who could hold our breath the longest. No one put a camera on us. In fact, it may be that oxygen deprivation to my brain that is responsible for some of the inane ideas that you read here.

Props to David Blaine for making a living doing stupid things, but why does the media cover this nonsense? He’s basically a circus freak. What’s next for him? Trying to see how many jelly beans he can stuff up his nose? I think we as a society need to stop reinforcing this idiots behavior. Let’s all agree, the next time this moron closes himself inside a giant jello mold in the middle of Times Square we’ll just throw a blanket over him and walk away. As Ducky said to Andi in Pretty in Pink, “What kind of name is Blaine anyway? It sounds like a major appliance.”

16 responses to “May The Rain In Spain Fall Mainly on David Blaine

  1. Haha. That’s funny. I usually read the news between projects here at work. I saw this guy in a bubble and didn’t even care to read it. I think I know who David Blayne is from seeing his magician video on one of the cable channels. But yeah, it’s stupid what he does. Thanks for the laugh when referring to George and Ducky. Will

  2. Once, I stubbed my toe REALLY HARD and then I did it again right afterwards.What I wanna know is…where was MY tv crew?!?

  3. i.hate.david.blaine.seems like a pompous ass to me, doing all that lame stuff for the attention.

  4. Never heard of him!!

  5. Will- I’m glad you liked the Seinfeld and Pretty in Pink references. Those were my favorite part of it too.Tai- Maybe we were watching and you just didn’t know it.Say Rah!- Pompous ass says it all. I think that phrase describes all so-called magicians.Michelle- Consider yourself lucky, but don’t consider yourself safe. This dope may decide to mail himself to your country in a box.

  6. Amen. I can’t put my finger on why, but I just find him unbelievably skeevy.

  7. I don’t know what skeevy means, but I do think he’s a pompous ass.No point in going to extra effort to ignore it though, there are always stupid people who will still watch this kind of crap no matter how hard you’re ignoring the whole thing.Just let your ignoring come naturally from your lack of interest in his stunts.See, I didn’t even know about his latest stunt or most of the rest of the ones you mentioned and I haven’t even been trying not to pay attention.

  8. I agree…. Btw, I put your blog in a six pack of my faves to show off to everyone courtesy of Joe at Magic Smoke on AOL. So, your taffic may go up…. You deserve it my friend, you work hard on your entries!! Tawnya if you want to see the entry it is at:

  9. Attlia- Good call. Any negative adjective for him is fine with me.Jennifer- Good for you for not knowing. It’s not worth wasting even a few brain cells on.Tawnya- Thank you. That is one of the nicest compliments I can get.

  10. Hilarious blog. I think I’m more amazed by David Blaine’s track record with women. Fiona Apple? Daryl Hannah? Supermodels (can’t remember who)? Now that’s magic.

  11. Blue- Thanks for stopping by. I had no idea all those women had dated David Blaine. I’m going to have to start closing myself inside things. I had no idea that was attractive to women.

  12. OHHHH…ducky. I just watched that movie last night. I dont find people like that particularily entertaining. I dont find TV particulariy entertaining, so Whatev.The question I have is, do you actually watch it?

  13. Whilst everyone else as children were thoroughly enthralled by magic shows, I used to hate them, anything that I didn’t understand or at least could try and make sense of I didn’t like. Tricks and illusions, what is the point. David Blaine, I love. Firstly, the man is just sexy for some reason, don’t even know why. Secondly, these things that he does, like standing on a pillar for x amount of hours, it’s not one of those boring old magic tricks, it’s more to remind us of what is possible, a mind over matter sort of thing, that we seldom if ever live up to our full potential – I know, it is giving him a little more credit than the actions are worth, they are sensational and the media circus that surrounds detracts also, but that’s just his point, as far as I can gather, to remind us that even those things that we might consider impossible are more often than not entirely possible.Great post, Phil, loved the quotes 😀

  14. Oh yeah, guys like D.Blaine, who aren’t qualified to do anything besides putting themselves in near death situations to make a quick buck & impress the ladies, are hot! The “intelligent” woman’s Jackass (mtv). Very nice template, by the way (wink wink).

  15. I think David Blaine is an Extra Ordinary Human being who free willingly puts himself into situations which cause physical suffering and require supreme Mental Will to battle the forces which would make a lesser person go crazy or die. he is demonstrating supreme inner strength and mind mastery. I also noticed that What David Does brings people together and inspires emotional responses. this is the real magic and can actually help unite and bring a vibration of Peace because he has to be sooooo still and suffer and survive. he is supremely sexy to this woman who has very good taste in men. real men who don’t collapse under pressure. men like David.

  16. Hello, I'am George. Visit my website, if you want to learn David Blaine Magic Tricks ( ). All tricks are video explained, so you can learn very easy. Thank's and have a great day.

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