The Amish Are Stalking Me

On Sunday I saw Amish and yesterday I saw Mennonites. Mennonites buy their clothes at the same store as the Amish, but they give themselves permission to drive a car to the store. On Sunday I was in a small town lawn and garden store when an Amish family rode up on their bikes. Amish are pacifists. They don’t believe in violence of any kind. My 8 year old needed a self-esteem boost so I sent him over to pick a fight with the biggest Amish guy there. He totally kicked his ass. Then I went over, took their picture and told them I was stealing their soul. What a great father-son bonding experience and now we’ll always have a picture to remember it by. Just yesterday I saw Mennonites in an inner city McDonald’s. I mean this was seriously in the ‘hood. It was in the same plaza as the FREE HUMAN HAIR store. I can’t think of any reason they’d be there other than to stalk me. I wonder if one of the Mennonites is at home this morning working on his blog: “I saw Phil again today…”

12 responses to “The Amish Are Stalking Me

  1. They’re stalking you…they’ve been reading all the posts you’ve written about them…they’re plotting their revenge.

  2. So Weird Al was right…We’re living in an Amish paradise.You got an 8 year old son? I thikn that is the first real tidbit of personal info we’ve gotten from you on this site.Don’t worry. I won’t use it against you.The Amish, of course, well that’s a different story.

  3. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t resist leaving a comment after stumbling across your post. I promise, I haven’t been stalking you either but the idea really amused me. Just so you know, Amish and Mennonites really are normal people–they just dress funny. Now this Mennonite will go leave you alone.

  4. In central Wisconsin there is a sizable community of Amish neaar where we have our cottage. I always admired their adherence to their principles of the simple life, eschewing all the creature comforts and technology that we rely on. Then one day, while shopping in the local supermarket, I encountered a family of Amish, Mama and Papa, and two little girls, probably ten and twelve, and a boy who looked to be sbout 14 or so. They were al dressed in the usual understated utillitarian style they favor. I was admiring their serenity when I noticed that all three of the kids had ear buds and were carrying ipods. I am totally disillusioned.

  5. Well what were YOU doing by the free human hair store? 😉

  6. Princess- After all the jokes I’ve made I probably deserve a little revenge. I think they’ll have to get in line behind Canada though.G-Man- Did I say I have an 8 year old son? Sara-Thanks for stopping by and thanks for not being angry about my jokes. I swear I mean no harm and if you read my blog long enough you’ll know that no subject is sacred. Yes, we know you’re all normal people, but your different culture and lifestyle is fascinating. I hope everyone that reads this goes to your blog to see that just what you said is true.Bob- Those were Mennonites. They’r fine with technology, obviously. Then again, doesn’t everyone in Wisconsin dress like that?Attila- I was getting FREE HUMAN HAIR! What else would I be doing there?

  7. Since you’ve invited everybody to see my blog (no, I don’t mind), I’d better put in a disclaimer here. I’m not your “typical” Mennonite. I’m a little more liberally minded than most. However, I do value my heritage despite my choice to forge a path not normally taken by my people.I’m not likely to take offense to any jokes. To the contrary, I’m more likely to make the jokes and will certainly laugh at them. I’m very aware how fascinated people are with our lifestyle. I happen to live in a city where I’m the only one and get quite a few questions. Not that I mind. It’s all part of it.I see you’re from NY. Out of curiosity, would that happen to be NYC? I have some Mennonite friends who live there and work with inner city kids who have been thrown out of the public school system. Maybe they were the ones stalking you. 😉

  8. Roflmaooooooooooo!!!

  9. Sara- No, I’m not from NYC. I live upstate. Thank you for agreeing to be the official spokesperson for the Mennonite community. Please tell them I come in peace and there’s no need for them to keep such close tabs on me.Michelle- Thank you. I’m glad I could get you ROFLMAO.

  10. Those stalkers really are not the Amish or Mennonites. That is the FBI in disguise. You should have known they would catch up to you someday!

  11. Phil, you are naughty … but I like you !!!Have a great week, take care, Meow

  12. Meow- I like being naughty for you ; )

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