Yes, I realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted a good tirade against the cell phone people, but a very important international incident occurred during the past week which underscores my basic hypothesis that cell phone people are not just a nuisance, but outright evil. For those of you new to my blog since my last “Cell Phone” post, I am not lumping everyone who uses a cell phone into the evil category. Many people use their cell phones responsibly and without annoying or endangering others. Many other cell phone users, however, feel that it is their right to talk any time they want, in any manner they want about, any thing they want regardless of the time or place. It is these cell phone users whom I fervently wish painful things upon. Judging from his most recent book, one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, obviously feels the same. In his novel, Cell, someone uses a computer program to broadcast an electronic pulse to every cell phone in the world simultaneously, turning the users into mindless zombies. Later in the book the heroes set them all on fire. In my opinion, that fate was much too kind for them.
The international incident that I am referring to today is the U.S. killing of Iraqi insurgent leader Al-Zarqawi. The U.S. Army intelligence found him by using GPS technology to track the cell phone signals of he and his comrades. See? Evil person = chronic cell phone user. It is an undeniable direct correlation and one that resulted in his death.
Here’s my problem with the whole situation: When American Idol was on the air some poor, old lady in middle-America was inundated with thousands of phone calls once a week because her home phone number was one digit off of the number to vote for eventual winner Taylor Hicks. What happens if my cell phone number is just one digit different than Osama Bin Laden’s and the U.S. Army gets it wrong?
Phil: “Hello, Domino’s? Yeah, I’d like to order a large pepperoni pizza and a dozen wings. Yes, I’ll hold for the total. (Boom!)”
Domino’s Phone Lackey: “Yes, your total is..Hello? Is anyone there? That’s weird. The line went dead. (Shouts to the back) Cancel the pepperoni and wings! We lost another one!”