Cell Phone People Part V

Yes, I realize it’s been awhile since I’ve posted a good tirade against the cell phone people, but a very important international incident occurred during the past week which underscores my basic hypothesis that cell phone people are not just a nuisance, but outright evil. For those of you new to my blog since my last “Cell Phone” post, I am not lumping everyone who uses a cell phone into the evil category. Many people use their cell phones responsibly and without annoying or endangering others. Many other cell phone users, however, feel that it is their right to talk any time they want, in any manner they want about, any thing they want regardless of the time or place. It is these cell phone users whom I fervently wish painful things upon. Judging from his most recent book, one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, obviously feels the same. In his novel, Cell, someone uses a computer program to broadcast an electronic pulse to every cell phone in the world simultaneously, turning the users into mindless zombies. Later in the book the heroes set them all on fire. In my opinion, that fate was much too kind for them.

The international incident that I am referring to today is the U.S. killing of Iraqi insurgent leader Al-Zarqawi. The U.S. Army intelligence found him by using GPS technology to track the cell phone signals of he and his comrades. See? Evil person = chronic cell phone user. It is an undeniable direct correlation and one that resulted in his death.

Here’s my problem with the whole situation: When American Idol was on the air some poor, old lady in middle-America was inundated with thousands of phone calls once a week because her home phone number was one digit off of the number to vote for eventual winner Taylor Hicks. What happens if my cell phone number is just one digit different than Osama Bin Laden’s and the U.S. Army gets it wrong?

Phil: “Hello, Domino’s? Yeah, I’d like to order a large pepperoni pizza and a dozen wings. Yes, I’ll hold for the total. (Boom!)”

Domino’s Phone Lackey: “Yes, your total is..Hello? Is anyone there? That’s weird. The line went dead. (Shouts to the back) Cancel the pepperoni and wings! We lost another one!”

19 responses to “Cell Phone People Part V

  1. rotflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh my goodness what a point you make!!!A very good point I must add but I have to admit when I started to read the post I did not see where you were going with it and BAM! ya got me..excellent post, thanks

  2. LMAO, i can’t comment now, i’m laughing too much!! I think this has to be my favorite post!

  3. Quinn- Why thank you. For your consistent efforts in commenting on my blog this week you will be added to my blogroll ASAP.Michelle- Favorite post? Wow! I had no idea this post was that funny. I only found it mildly amusing myself.

  4. Wow, thank you Phil.It is an honour, I figured out how to put a couple on mine just yesterday.I look forward to reading your next posting.

  5. Phil, I hate to say this but…I think you already did Cell Phone People Part V, this really should have been Part VI. But don’t take my word for it, I could never make sense of Roman numerals. For all I know it should be Part JKLMNOP.

  6. Well, my advice is don’t order from Domino’s.And I agree with your direct correlation between evil and constant cell phone use.Your so smart Phil. 😉

  7. oh phil, nothing to worry about, osama obviously isn’t a cell phone user. if he was you think they would have found him by now.

  8. ya..that happens all the time at my moms house..her number is one digit away from blockbuster…we have fun with those people.

  9. hehe! You bring up a good point!

  10. Ow! Good point!

  11. hmmm, looks like it’s ’bout time to get me one ‘o’ them cellular phone, ’bout time anyway, my rotary is starting ta make funny noises.And then I can be more EVIL to boot!

  12. yah me too, so far from what ive been reading, i gotta agree with michelle…ha.ha….great post…say hi to robin for me…

  13. Headline NewsThis just in…Ophilabeenbitchin confirmed deceased by Dominos Pizza driver.Full details on tonights ten o’clock news.

  14. Sherbears- You may be right. Do you think I write about cell phone people too much? Have you been secretly reading my blog that long?Berly- I actually don’t order from Domino’s. And you’re absolutely right, I am smart. Good looking too!d.- You’re obviously right, unless they’ve been blowing up innocent citizens in his place. He must have a rotary phone in his cave.Princess- You’re old place or your new home back with that big, crazy family of yours?Cinthia- Thank you!Attila- Yep, be careful! That’s why I only make quick calls on my phone, so they don’t have time to locate me.Tai- I love your rotary phone reference!Fancy-Face- Thanks, Robin say “woof, woof.”Kim- Thanks, let’s hope you’re not right!

  15. I really felt sorry for that lady who got the American Idol calls. Especially because I was one of the ones who mistakenly called her. Five times.

  16. omg GARY yikes ..too funny ….least you fessed up eh.

  17. Great blog, great post. hope i learn to make such great post.

  18. Great post, Phil. I feel the same way you do about cell phones. I have one, and use it when I need to. But usually if I’m out at the bars or in a coffee shop (as I am now), I leave it in my car. If I am out and about with friends, I am with the ones I chose to be with and don’t need to be on the phone with the ones who aren’t out.There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of a conversation and somebody’s phone rings.By the way…thanks for the scoop on the newest Stephen King book. I’ve been a fan of his for quite some time, but to be honest, haven’t read or bought anything by him in the past few years. I don’t even know what he has out that is new (I know he pounded out the last few Dark Tower books, but I never started those and am overwhelmed at the thought of starting that 10,000 page series). But that book you described sounds really cool. I may have to head down to the bookstore after I wear out my welcome at this coffee shop.Have a great weekend!

  19. Heh, I am a force for good obviously: I am a cell-phone virgin. 🙂

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