Gimme a Break! Gimme a Break! Break Me Off a Piece of That…

Kit Kat bar! I just bought a NEW Kit Kat Extra Crispy. The wrapper says that it’s “Twice the crisp!” How the hell do you measure crisp? On the wrapper they even include “*as regular Kit Kat.” They went to the trouble to include an asterisk explanation of the crispness just so you don’t mistakenly think it has twice the crisp of something else. Like what? A cucumber? How do you even quantify that it has twice the “crisp” of the old bar? I ate it and it definitely did not seem twice as “crisp” as previous Kit Kat bars. If something has twice the crisp, I expect to be able to cut my mouth on it. I’m going to call the company using the “Questions or comments, please call 1-800-….” Here’s how the conversation will go:

Phil: “Hello, Hershey Company? Yes, I just bought a Kit Kat Extra Crispy and it did not seem to have “twice the crisp” of my previous Kit Kats. In fact I’m pretty sure there was only one and a half times the “crisp.” I either want the other half of a “crisp”, or I want my money back.”

Actually, right after I wrote that last sentence I did call the Hershey Company to ask how they measure the “crisp.” Unfortunately you can only complain about your candy bars between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. M-F Eastern Standard Time. You weekend candy bar eaters are screwed. The Hershey’s automated phone system does have several options you can choose from including recipes, gifts, promotions and products. At the end the choices conclude with “In the event of a medical emergency please call 1-302-295-3209.” Who in their right mind calls Hershey’s first in the event of a medical emergency?!!? Willy Wonka maybe?

26 responses to “Gimme a Break! Gimme a Break! Break Me Off a Piece of That…

  1. Yes, definitely 1.5 times the crisp. But, I am still wrestling with those two scoops of flavor in a package of Kellogg’s Raisin Bran. What size scoops? That was also never made clear.

  2. Here’s your comment, Phil! Thanks for visiting my blog!Hmmm….would Hershey squirts constitute as a medical emergency worth calling Hersheys for?

  3. Oh my lord Phil….that is the funniest post I ever read! It may be the crispiest post you ever wrote.** compared to your normal posts

  4. Well I am still surprised that shampoo has directions on it and a phone number to call and make sure you are doing things correctly.Ick…and derr.-N

  5. Man a kit kat bar sounds really good right now. Damn you Phil!Now I have to have one.So you gonna call back and ask them about the crisp factor?

  6. I always found it was more 1.3 to 1.6 percent crisper.But I’m a stickler for perfection.I’m going to call them for a chocolate emergency one day.“Help Help, my chocolate is smearing all over my face!!!”

  7. The first thing I thout after reading that title was that you were going to sing the whole song from the show “Gimme a Break.”I can sing it for you if you want…I still remember it… :o)

  8. MMmmmm Kit Kat….with coconut on the inside …yummy :o)Hershey don’t make our Kit Kats, Nestle’ do.

  9. I was gone all weekend, so I am just now checking in and catching up. WOOHOO…I won the True-False Test!!! Scary to think how well I know you without really knowing you, huh Phil?? Anywho, I am with Berly…I could use a Kit-Kat now. Maybe I will go buy one for me, Berly and the baby and we can all determine the crispy factor together, or maybe we will just eat the damn thing and call it a day!

  10. Ian- I’ll worry about those scoops when I start worrying about eating bran.Sherbears- Thanks for the comment. See? was that so hard? And btw, eeeew! Very funny comment!G-Man- Your comment is *twice as funny as the regular comments.Nat- sad as it may seem, I’m sure there are people that need all those directions on what seem to be self explanatory products. Derr.

  11. Berly- There’s no need to call back now. I’ve already gotten a good blog post out of a candy wrapper. That’s like finding free money.Tai- I think you may be able to sue over that.Linny- Please do. I want to see the lyrics of the worst show ever in your next comment, or better yet, on your blog.Michelle- Hershey and Nestle have merged here. They’re one company now.Kim- welcome back and congrats. You deserve to treat yourself to a Kit Kat.

  12. you mean its crispy ???? I don’t have them very often so when I do they are pretty much inhaled and so I really can’t recall the crispiness factor, awww but the yummy in my tummy factor is huge!!!!

  13. Thanks for the laugh Phil. I can’t believe you actually called them! So funny. The only chocolate that I eat is the 72% cocoa kind. If you are going to eat chocolate, might as well go for the good stuff!

  14. hilarious post, phil. been a lurker for a while now. i’m more fond of “just feel the bubbles melt”oh is it ok if i add you to my blogroll? and i am making a new page.

  15. 34Quinn- Well, it wasn’t as crispy as I had hoped. Is Quinn your real name? That’s always been one of my favorites.dzeni- I have no idea what the 72% ccocoa kind is. Maybe they don’t have it in the states, or maybe I’m not particular about what chocolate I eat.40spoet- Awesome! ! love when new people leave comments. I had no idea you wrere lurking! Thanks! Of course you can add me to your blogroll as long as I can add you to mine.

  16. People can sit here all day and say it was a funny post, but Phil, it sounds like you seriously need some sex. The light anger? The chocolate references? The chewy crispiness? C’mon, you know all about this stuff. I’m just saying.

  17. Hahahaha. Funny stuff Phil.~Fab : )

  18. well whats the verdict??? Was it crispy or what?

  19. omg! i just remembered a dream from last night… i was trapped in willy wonka’s choc. factory! i think it’s because i borrowed my brother’s soundtrack from the movie and it’s been going through my head for the last week. but i would have forgotten if not for your last comment.

  20. ooompa looompa’s are gonna get ya now!!!

  21. Phil, nope sorry to disappoint, Quinn is not my real name but it should be I do have friends that do call me that instead of my real name though I like it alot. I have been asked my name a couple of times in public and I have actually told people that it was Quinn and then corrected myself.

  22. Geewits- Maybe that’s true and maybe it isn’t, and maybe that’s a little projection on your part.Thirty- Thanks for stopping by!Princess- Please go back and read the post more thoroughly for the answer to your question.Say Rah!- I’m glad I could help with your memory.34quinn- The oompa loompas are creepy aren’t they?

  23. I READ it…I just thought sarcasm was for your imaginary conversation…I was really asking you..not phil who was having a fauz converation with someone who works at hershey.

  24. “Gimme a break, yeah yeah, gimme a break cuz I sure need one, gimme a break, yeah yeah, I finally found where I belong, gimme a break!”

  25. And I used to like that show thank you very much!

  26. LMAO! Thanks Linny!

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