I can’t wait until I become famous. Err…more famous I mean. I want to be famous enough that I can righteously shame others into worrying about problems I’ll never have to worry about because of my fame and fortune.
There’s nothing I love more than having someone who has millions of dollars telling me that I need to give more of my money to help those less fortunate. Diseases, baby seals, and South American children working in sweatshops. What would they all do without celebrities telling us that we should worry about them? Hey, if it’s important enough to worry Madonna and Will Farrell, then I want to know about it!
The other day I opened my Yahoo home page only to see Cindy Crawford staring back at me telling me that I should do more to help cure cancer. Here’s my idea: why not have those South American sweatshop children working on a cure for cancer instead of sewing Spongebob sweaters for Walmart? Way to go Cindy! Thank God you brought that up! I had no idea that cancer was bad. Maybe Cindy should write a letter to the medical researchers. I wonder if they know about this cancer thing she’s talking about! What’s that Cindy? Cancer kills people?!!? I had no idea! That’s terrible! We have to do something right away! If Cindy hadn’t alerted us to this terrible disease who knows how long it would have been before someone else noticed it! How did Cindy find out about this? And I thought she was just a pretty face.
I can’t wait for Mel Gibson to start admonishing me to avoid drinking and driving. He seems pretty concerned about that. A few months back Janine Turner (formerly of Northern Exposure) was telling me about the heartbreak of dry eyes. Apparently there are some people who can’t cry. How ironic huh? I can’t wait for the friggin’ telethon for that one!