Celeb Without A Cause

I can’t wait until I become famous. Err…more famous I mean. I want to be famous enough that I can righteously shame others into worrying about problems I’ll never have to worry about because of my fame and fortune.

There’s nothing I love more than having someone who has millions of dollars telling me that I need to give more of my money to help those less fortunate. Diseases, baby seals, and South American children working in sweatshops. What would they all do without celebrities telling us that we should worry about them? Hey, if it’s important enough to worry Madonna and Will Farrell, then I want to know about it!

The other day I opened my Yahoo home page only to see Cindy Crawford staring back at me telling me that I should do more to help cure cancer. Here’s my idea: why not have those South American sweatshop children working on a cure for cancer instead of sewing Spongebob sweaters for Walmart? Way to go Cindy! Thank God you brought that up! I had no idea that cancer was bad. Maybe Cindy should write a letter to the medical researchers. I wonder if they know about this cancer thing she’s talking about! What’s that Cindy? Cancer kills people?!!? I had no idea! That’s terrible! We have to do something right away! If Cindy hadn’t alerted us to this terrible disease who knows how long it would have been before someone else noticed it! How did Cindy find out about this? And I thought she was just a pretty face.

I can’t wait for Mel Gibson to start admonishing me to avoid drinking and driving. He seems pretty concerned about that. A few months back Janine Turner (formerly of Northern Exposure) was telling me about the heartbreak of dry eyes. Apparently there are some people who can’t cry. How ironic huh? I can’t wait for the friggin’ telethon for that one!

12 responses to “Celeb Without A Cause

  1. Lets not forget how much those celebritie’s “time” costs for them to be the spokes persons for these causes.Supposidly they aren’t paid to do this but I do not believe for one minute that they do not receive money for endorsing or being the “face” to these charities.Why don’t they just donate all the money they receive for doing it to the cause and let me count my meesly pennies in peace.

  2. My personal pet peeve about celebrity endorsements is exactly what Quinn mentioned. The biggest, please pardon the pun, for me was Carnie Wilson. The commercials of her moping along in her tent dress advertising her weight loss surgery. Her books. Her web site Spotlight Health. All telling every fat person on earth that there was hope, you too can do it as easily as me and suddenly be dancing around a featherweight with just a few snips and staples.Look behind the scenes and you find she was paid 6 figures for this, was provided a personal trainer and essentially someone to bitch slap her every time she reached for a Twinkie. I talked about this frequently during my own weight loss surgery and Carnie devotees ate me up and spit me out (pun intended). Then surprise, exactly 3 years afterwards, she began to gain weight. Web site disappears. Gasp. Shock. Horror.Why? Her endorsement contracts expired. Bring on the Twinkies. Just one example of course, and there are some celebrities like Bono and Bill Gates, even Brad & Angelina, who I truly believe are unpaid sponsors for causes. But the remainder of them…blech. I deplore being told I need to donate my pennies or wear a ribbon or rubber bracelet for a cause by someone who hires someone to carry her handbag for her.

  3. I think this mayb have been your most sarcastic post yet! Youve outdone yourself!!

  4. i would like to see how many causes they support if they were working the old 9 to 5 job. makes me sick to even listen to them. and gosh it appears you and i have gotten up on the same side of the bed today…screw the world, heh?


  6. nahhh – mel’s gonna tell you to give up all your jewish friends…as for celeb’s being spokespeople – try explaining this line of propoganda to high school students…

  7. Who ever came up with the idea that a celebrity would be able to convince anyone about anything? Having a famous face does not confer intelligence beyond the norm or make that person more convncing. Anytime I encounter a celebrity endorsement of anything, my brain tunes it out without my having to consciously make the effort. What a waste of time and money.

  8. Ever hear of the “yellow book” the “green book and the “red book” ?..these three books are suppose to be the secrets of the unknown..and who’s unknown ours..I read that these books were written by journalists who have done the world tour, but without anyone knowing that they were really journalists..something like under cover to discover dirty little secrets..and there were also dirty little lies that we have all been made to believe..the truth is.there have been cures found for many unknown deseases, and instead of treating them..well, should I continue???…No I don’t really think thats necessary I’m sure you Phil and anyone else who passes by your blog will have really no problem figureing out what the quote”WELL” means…..

  9. The scary thing is, some people listen only because celebs promote a cause. Then again, this is the country where more people can name the winners of American Idol than can identify the Vice President.

  10. I think it should be mandatory to show a running total of how much the celeb has donated to the cause they are promoting each time a commercial spot airs in addition to how much they were paid for promoting the cause or miracle cure/prescription etc. Can we get a bill passed here people?!

  11. You really only did this post so you could put up that pic of Cindy Crawford didn’t you?

  12. Well, on one hand you have famous people like Cindy, who urge us to be aware of stuff like cancer. On the other, you have people like Tom Cruise, who comes up with whole new theories about curing illness. And, of course, wether or not they really exist…

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