Classic Phil: Cell Phone People (The Original Start of the Series)

Hi everyone. I’ve been sick and pressed for time this past week. I hate not posting. I have ideas, but haven’t had the time to sit down and organize them, so here is the original, the first, kind of the pilot episode of my long running cell phone rant. I wrote it on May 15th 2005. If you haven’t read it before, enjoy. If you have read it before, just suck it up. You’ll survive. I promise a new post on Friday.


Yes, we all have cell phones, but some people use them differently than others. There are those of us who have our cell phones and use then occasionally if we are going to be away from a land line for a while. That’s fine with me. Then there are those who use their cell phones as if they’re on some organ donor transplant recipient list and every call could save their lives. But of course these dolts are never on a transplant list. They also seem to think that because they’re on the phone no one but the person they’re talking with can hear them. And apparently the person on the other side of their phone call is always deaf because the cell phone people are always talking really loudly. Usually their conversations involve the trials and tribulations of their trivial little lives. “So then he tells me that he can’t go to my cousins wedding with me because he already made plans with his friend. You know what the plans are? I found out from his friends’ sisters’ roommate that they’re taking Carl to a strip club in Canada for his birthday.” I especially hate the cell phone people who are on their cell phones at work. They’re walking around a building in which they have an office with a desk with a real phone right there. What the hell is so important that you can’t wait until you’ve walked to the other end of the hall to make that call? Or how about when you’re in line at a store and the cashier is on the phone with her friend? I always make sure to ask some inane question just to interrupt. How about the people who walk around all day with the hands free headset on whether they’re actually on a call or not. Look, unless you’re a pilot, an air traffic controller or the kid at the McDonald’s drive thru window there is no freakin’ reason you need to be wearing a headset. Take it off. We’re not impressed. There is nothing in your life that important and everyone else already knows it. To all you cell phone people I would just like to say that I hope the rumors of cell phone caused brain tumors are true. I’d love to see an MRI of one of these dopes heads. It would be hysterical to see a cell phone shaped tumor right there wouldn’t it?

6 responses to “Classic Phil: Cell Phone People (The Original Start of the Series)

  1. Personally as with most things..there are pros and cons for sure with cell phones.We have one cheapy pay as you go thing. That really we use hardly, just turn it on the our boys can call us if we are out. It hardly ever gets used.I laugh at people in the stores etc. with them..”oh HI, just wanted to know what you want me to buy? should I get the cheerios or the rice krispies ?…” OMG people..what did you used to do….oh I remember you made a shopping list , went to the store..ALL BY YOURSELF, took an item off the shelf and bought…why can they not do that anymore???MY main pet peeve are drivers on cell phones…wake up people…that is just stupid. I am sure people can wait 5 or 10 minutes until you are home to find out when yuo will be home.. or you can call them back when you have parked the car. Too many accidents and close calls are happening with people on cell phones not watching and paying attention to where they are going.People you are driving a “weapon” pay attention.I think cell phones are good as many people have been helped quickly by having one at the ready. Ie) recently one poor schmuck tried to take a short cut through a field to an establishment. He didnt know the area and he didn’t realize a creek ran through the middle. He tried to cross it and got stuck in mud up to his hips. it was cold, raining, and surrounded by tall bull rushes,grass etc. He was less than 100 feet from a major hiway…and no one could hear him. He had his cell phone, and called for help.. it still took them 30 minutes to find him …he could have died from hypothermia..thank god he had a cell.Like anything, moderation and common sence are the key.

  2. I was walking past the ladies room in our office yesterday. I heard ***flush*** and a woman came out of the stall talking on the phone. I would imagine the person on the other end had heard everything – I mean everything. Gawd.

  3. thanks for finally stopping by..oh and by the way, i’m gonna get yah back you know….if you know what I mean…HAHAHAH

  4. You’re lucky PP hasn’t commented on here yet. She’s going to fuss at you for not writing something original.(I know b/c she did that to me. :o) )

  5. Um…you can’t recycle. Not fair.But…feel better.-N

  6. Hear-hear! You captured my sentiments exactly and I always like people who capture my sentiments exactly because it makes them seem profoundly intelligent. Of course, I grew up in the era in which a phone was a ‘tool’ and largely one to be avoided. Hence God invented voice mail and call display. Very compassionate of the Big Dude.cheers, Ian

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