Please Shoot Me If I Ever…

How many times have we all said that phrase to someone to express our belief that if we ever displayed the specified behavior that we would essentially have lost all self-respect or reached our rock bottom of moral destitution? How many times would we all deserve to be shot if anyone took us up on that? Here is my list of Please Shoot Me If I Ever…

1. take a job as a clown
2. sing along to any George Michael/WHAM! songs
3. write a paper check in line at the supermarket
4. laugh at an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond
5. play Dance, Dance Revolution
6. stop professing my love of Canadians
7. announce my engagement to Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, or Brittany Spears
8. go to a tanning studio

What’s on your “Shoot Me If I Ever…” list?

19 responses to “Please Shoot Me If I Ever…

  1. You love us Canadians? Good God, why?Shoot me if I ever:– start watching daytime soaps– wear a sweater with a Christmas motif (or a puppy on it for that matter)And that’s all I can come up with early on a Monday morning

  2. OK well I’ve been singing Freedom 90 for days and went to a tanning salon prior to my trip to Mexico this past week. Don’t shoot me! 🙂However, pull out the gun if I:– Yeah jazz, me too…the day you see me in a Christmas sweater, start shooting.– Refer to Star Wars as “The Greatest Story Ever Told”– Begin watching MTV for its compelling programming content– Stop drinking coffee. You know that means I believe Armageddon is forthcoming.– State that I think the mullet is a sexy and fabulous hairstyle– Own more cats than shoes

  3. Marybeth…Oh, yeah, the dreaded mullet!!! Shoot me for that one too.

  4. Please shoot me if I ever…Begin to carry on a coherent conversation about American Idol, Survivor or The Biggest Loser (if such a think is even possible)Take out a hankie, spit on it and start to wipe the corner of your mouthWear rainbow colored leg warmers in public while singing the theme to One Day at a Time (in private is a totally different matter)

  5. shoot me if i ever, uh, can’t think of anything…*bang*

  6. Jazz- Of course I love our peaceful neighbors to the North.MaryBeth- It’s fine if you tan, but I think it’s a little unmanly, so I refuse to do it. Besides, I’ve discovered that the big, glowy thing in the sky does the same thing for free.Jazz- Don’t be dissing the mullet. All business in the front and party in the back!

  7. Amy- Good list, but I think I may be guilty of one of them. I’ll leave it to you to guess which one.(I look great in leg warmers)Say Rah!- Hi, nice to see you again.

  8. wake me up before you go..go…admit…you are singing it in your head.

  9. Shoot me if:-I ever start thinking religion makes sense. -I ever say “Maybe I’ll have kids after all.”-N

  10. The big glowy thing in the sky eh? And you think that thing is anything but a rare impotent sky decoration here in Seattle???And I’m still listening to Freedom 90!

  11. Oh, I write paper checks all the time, I dont’ remember to write down the transaction when I use a debit card….Shoot me if I ever:– watch Danicing with the Stars, the Bachelor, American Idol, or any other similar reality shows– say “my kids will never” (insert somthing my kids will eventually do here)– listen to Country music radio station

  12. clowns are freakymy grocery store has you sign the check and then they run the check thru the machine and it fills it out electronicly if you MUST use a checkand shoot me if i ever where an appliqued sweater

  13. I’m with you on # 6 Phil!Oh, and Shoot me if I ever say “I’m too old to….”

  14. I think you need to do a post on why you love canadians 🙂

  15. …’if I ever stop caring about the things which matter the most – freedom, love, liberty’<><>Phil<><>, my apologies in advance for taking this opportunity to air the information detailed below. <><>In the true spirit of Christmas<><>, I have decided to lend my support to a very worthy cause -the upcoming Rick Springfield benefit concert being held on Friday, Dec. 8th in Cape Girardeau, Missouri to assist cancer victim Sahara Aldridge. For more information, see my most recent blog issue of Saturday, Dec. 1st. <><>This is a “critical” week in the development of the Tour Bus project<><> for the Sahara Aldridge Benefit Concert (concert details are on my blogsite) In fact, I have dedicated my current blog post issue to this event. <><>As a long-time Rick Springfield fan<><>, I am asking for those of you who can do so, to step forward now and support Mr. Springfield’s efforts to help Sahara Aldridge. Now is the hour as this is going to be an awesome concert event.<><>The tour bus is FREE<><> and will be rolling into Cape Girardeau, Missouri at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday, December 7th, 2006.If you know anyone in this area, remember that Cincinnati is the origination point for the trip. <><>All are invited from the following “major cities” and surrounding points<><>: <>ILLINOIS AND INDIANA<>: via Interstate 74 WEST then to Interstate 75 SOUTH into downtown Cincinnati; from <>KENTUCKY<> via Interstate 71 or 75 NORTH to Cincinnati; <>MICHIGAN AND ALL UPPER OHIO CITIES<> via Interstate 75 or 71 SOUTH directly into downtown Cincinnati. <><>It is a nice drive<><>. Bring along your Rick Springfield CD’s to play during the road trip, and remember: <>The cause is powerful<>. Sahara Aldridge is 12. She has brainstem Cancer, and she’s Going to kick it’s ass. But to do so, she needs our support at this time. <><>To recap: Here are the inbound cities and surrounding points that an invitation is being extended to<><>: _____DETROIT, MICHIGANCLEVELAND, OHIOCOLUMBUS, OHIOTOLEDO, OHIODAYTON, OHIOINDIANAPOLIS, INDIANACHICAGO, ILLINOISLOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY If you need to touch base with the Tour Bus organizer, please send an e-mail to: <><> <><>I trust that all of you will pass along this information to everyone you know to help make this event a success; particularly, as this is the season for caring and sharing.<><> All the best,Enid~

  16. Oh come on Phil…you know I CAUGHT you singing that “Sex is natural, Sex is Cool” George Michael song. Don’t lie.

  17. I think it’s called, “I want your sex.” ???

  18. shoot me if I ever utter the words “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry”… I mean, jeez

  19. Awww…you love us.Shoot me if I ever wear polyester!!

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