As many of my longtime friends here know, cell phone people irritate me. Well, irritate might not be the right word. Inspire murderous rage perhaps? Fuel an anger that burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns? I’m not sure what the exact measurement of my annoyance with them might be, but it’s definitely not good. For those of you new to the program, I don’t hate everyone who uses a cell phone. Only those who use them as if they and their cell phone are Siamese twins that weren’t separated at birth.
During the hiatus when I was gone, I purchased a new cell phone solely to change carriers. My new phone however, is a huge upgrade over my old phone and has all sorts of bells and whistles. It wasn’t too expensive and it looked cool, which is my primary criteria for choosing a phone, or anything for that matter. It also has the option of storing roughly one billion different ringtones. Like I’ve maintained all along, I have a cell phone, but I’m not a cell phone person.
A subset of cell phone people is the ringtone people. These people love their ringtones and they always want you to know when they have a new one. “Hey, wanna hear my new ringtone?” Usually this question sends me running from the room desperate to save the 30 seconds of my life these dolts are trying to steal by making me listen to The Thong Song. The Ringtone People change their ringtone about once a week, so over the course of a year they could steal 26 minutes of your life by making you listen to their new ringtones. Oh and I just love their bikini babe or Justin Timberlake wallpaper.
I think the ringtone should be a personality quiz somewhere, and it probably is on one of those sites that supply quizzes for bloggers. The quiz should go like this:
1) Have you purchased more than two ringtones for your phone?
If you answered no, you have a life and your priorities are in order. If you answered yes, how could you possibly have time to take this quiz? Your carrier is adding new ringtones at this very minute and you’re missing them! Oh, and you’re a loser.
The ringtone people also have taken the time to assign a different ringtone to all 30 people saved in their phone. I sure as hell hope that when e-harmony is asking the questions that determine your 29 personality variables “Do you have more ringtones than brain cells?” is one of the questions. These people definitely need to be paired up with each other instead of letting them wander aimlessly asking the rest of us, “Wanna hear my new ringtone?” Then again, if you pair them up they might start to breed, and we definitely don’t want to see that happening.
I have to confess, I did purchase one ringtone for my new phone. It’s the theme song for Monday Night Football. It never fails to make me smile when I hear it. What’s your ringtone du jour?