Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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It’s India’s Turn
Hey Canada, guess what? You get the week off. I’m going to make fun of India. Earlier this week an Indian court issued an arrest warrant for Richard Gere because he kissed Indian actress Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS Awareness event in Jaipur,India. The entire country was seriously outraged. They were burning Richard Gere effigies in the street over this! After several lawyers filed complaints in an Indian court a judge watched the videotape of the kiss, retired to his chambers alone for about 10 minutes, and then, appearing slightly sweaty and disheveled, returned to the court, demanded that he keep the copy of the tape and issued the order for Richard Gere’s arrest. Apparently under Indian law they deemed Richard Gere’s kiss of their actress “obscene.” I saw the video. I don’t even think there was tongue. Maybe they thought it was obscene that a 58 year old was kissing a pretty, young actress. I can see that, but then again, this is a country where marriages are still arranged.
I’ve got a few very good Indian friends, so I have nothing against the Indian people. I love their food, but maybe laws like this are why they moved to America, land of the free and home of kisssing Richard Gere. That’s right, if I want to kiss Richard Gere right on the mouth in front of the whole world I’ll do it and there isn’t a court in the land that can stop me. And c’mon, he was burned in effigy. How cool is that? If I ever do anything that causes me to be burned in effigy I will be very happy. And I don’t mean burned in effigy when an ex-girlfriend puts my picture in the garbage and sets it on fire. I want the full-on hanging in the public square, chanting crowds, riot police burning effigy. If I can do something that causes that, then I know I’ll have really made something of my life. I think I may have to plan a vacation to India. Mother Theresa, here I come! I know she’s dead, but I may kiss her on the mouth too. That should get me an awesome effigy.