No, just kidding. I’m seriously not going to review the year either personally or in music, movies, or news. I love the holidays, but I hate watching t.v. this time of year. There isn’t a single media outlet of any kind that can resist the obligatory “Year in Review” piece. Why? We all know what happened! We don’t need the events ranked for us. And I’m not one to send one of those form letter Christmas cards: “Dear ____________, 2008 was a wonderful year for my family. I started a new job, little Johnny learned to poop indoors and that rash on Susie’s face cleared up…blah, blah, blah….” If you’re a friend I’ve talked to you throughout the year and you know what I’ve been doing and I know what you’ve been doing. So lets look ahead. Why not list what we’d like to see in the coming year. Here is my list of things I’d like to see in 2009:
1. With the government bailing out the automakers and Wall Street, I’d like them to bail out all the citizens too by eliminating federal income tax for a portion of the year to put more money in our pockets and thus stimulating the economy. Also, the government was so offended that the heads of the auto companies came to Washington in private jets to ask for money. Hippocrites. I’d like to see the President, Senators, and Congreesmen all agree to take pay cuts to balance out my proposed federal tax hiatus. See? I don’t just complain. I’ve got ideas. “I’m an idea man Chuck.” If you get that movie reference you win $10 in Phil bucks that can be spent in The Phil Factor Gift shop. Just in time for the holidays.
2. More time. I’d like the physicists to find a way to give us more time every day, or make time travel possible or something. There’s ways to get more of everything else except time. It’s a non-renewable resource. I’d like a life DVR so I can do somethings now and then go back in time and do other things at the same time. Twice as much productivity each day!
3. At this point I’m out of ideas and coffee. I’ll get more of both and be back to add to this list! Happy Holidays!
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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