I’m Still Alive and Flying the Friendly Skies

Although I referenced a Pearl Jam song in the title I have to tell you that I can no longer stand Pearl Jam. In 1992 I loved the 10 cd, but now 17 years later Pearl Jam has produced nothing of significance and much like the word “Kardashian,” every song from the 10 cd has worn out it’s welcome in my mind. If Pearl Jam comes on the radio I cannot change the station fast enough.

Hopefully blogging hasn’t worn out it’s welcome in my mind. I’m posting today just to stay connected. After my post about running away I figured I might post just so you don’t think that I actually did go off the deep end, although it was tempting. I think that perhaps after a work trip that was part vacation I got back to my day to day routine and it just sucked the life out of me. After 4 days where everything was light and carefree, returning to my daily responsibilities has bogged me down mentally and until I regain my equilibrium where I have the emotional energy to handle my days and write sarcastic stuff, I may not have a lot of creativity here. But, let me tell you about a weird couple on my flight home last week…

So, when checking in for any flight I routinely ask if the exit row seats are already filled. The reason being is that if you’re flying coach, standard seating doesn’t have enough leg room for anyone who isn’t a member of the Lollipop Guild. The exit rows however are very spacious and often last filled by passengers whom the airline employees deem able bodied enough to help people out in the event of an emergency landing. Being the strapping young buck that I am, I always pass this test.

So I amble down the aisle to my seat. It turns out it’s in the middle of the exit row. Two people are already sitting there. One by the window. One on the aisle. They’re married. I assume the airline made a mistake but these two didn’t have the assertiveness to speak up and ask to be seated next to each other. I offer to allow one to switch seats so they can sit together. They refuse. The airline wasn’t in error. They don’t want to sit next to each other on a 2 1/2 hour flight. They chose to force a complete stranger to sit between them.

Are you freakin’ kidding me?!!? How weird is that? “Frank, did you take your pill?” “Frank could you hand this to the stewardess?” “Frank take your pill now.” “Sorry we have to talk across you.” No, you didn’t have to talk across me! You could have just effing moved over so you weren’t inconveniencing a handsome and charming but complete stranger! What the hell is wrong with you two? Do you do this on every flight you go on? I’m reporting you to Homeland Security. I don’t care that you despise each other so much that you can’t rub elbows for two hours. Try to act normal in public and then go home and sleep in your separate bedrooms! I think airlines need to start separating the cabin by social skills.

8 responses to “I’m Still Alive and Flying the Friendly Skies

  1. wow. just wow.

  2. Ha that's a classic! I have to say I don't mind sitting next to my partner on a long flight, but I do try to avoid my younger daughter because she talks non stop for 11 hours!

    How weird to choose to sit next to a complete stranger rather than your spouse. Even if you are a very nice guy. Well so you say. 😉

  3. That is hilarious in a sick sort of way. A friend of mine who works for our national organization actually got a request from a woman who had signed up for a walk with her spouse to change his registration to a walk in another city, because “we'll probably fight if we're at the same walk.”


  4. Oh great. I'm preparing for a flight overseas. I hope this doesn't happen to me.

    I bet the people sitting behind you were thinking, “SUCKS TO BE YOU!” 😉

  5. Sounds like an episode of Seinfeld. I can't believe they wouldn't move but then talked proceeded to talk over you. What's up with that??

    Glad you're back!

  6. Welcome back Phil. That post was too funny – I *almost* wish you would travel more often, just so that you could gather more amusing stories to share on your blog. At least the trip was not completed wasted 🙂 🙂

  7. Plane rides (or 'flights' as normal people would probably call them) do seem to lend themselves rather well to the surreal, don't they?

    Nice to see you back again.

  8. Haha… that's funny. And… it does sound like a Seinfeld episode!

Leave a Reply