Rules For Choosing Your Facebook Pic

More than our driver’s license photo, the Facebook picture is the face we show the world. That being the case, why do so many people screw it up? If you want friends and family to find you, is a picture of your left eye and forehead is going to help? Maybe a profile picture of your cat is the best way for prospective employers to say to themselves, “A cat? Well if this person has a cat they must be the kind of self-confident, go-getter we need on our staff immediately!”  

I know choosing just the right photo to is of crucial importance, so based on my extensive knowledge and experience at having an opinion, I’ve compiled these rules to help you put your best face forward.

1. If you’re under 21, I think the ‘standing in front of the bathroom mirror holding your phone out’ picture is required, especially after every new haircut. If you’re a girl under 21 you must never appear in a Facebook picture alone. Get a friend and lean back holding your phone out. Wearing sunglasses is recommended. Who am I kidding, no one under 21 is reading my blog. Hell, no one under 21 even knows what a blog is. To them a blog might as well be a vinyl record album.

2. When to choose the pet photo as your profile pic? A) when your pet is a near and dear part of your life, B) When you want to make sure no one searching for you will ever find you unless you have the world’s most unique name, C) If an employer you’re applying to is in a pet related industry, D) If you actually look like that, or E) Never, there’s no good reason to portray yourself as an animal! Have some confidence! If someone is looking for you on Facebook they already know what you look like. Stop trying to hide like you’re in a witness protection program run by dogs and cats.

3. The “I’m a fun person” photo. This is usually you in a Hawaiian print shirt holding a drink on a beach, boat, and/or surrounded by people. What a statement. This says that you’re a fun, sociable person who has lots of friends and is always on the go doing something exciting. You know we don’t believe that right? We can tell it was taken in 1998, the last time you were at a party like that. Yeah, we know this because we all put up the same picture at one time or another. We know that you, just like us, is home on Friday night scrolling through your week of Tivo’d shows, camping out on Facebook and nodding off from a glass of wine. 

4. The kids photo: Awwww….how cute! Now we know you have no life outside of schlepping your kids to soccer practice and school concerts. And have you ever noticed most parents only have pictures of their kids when they’re under 10 years old? That’s because none of us are all that thrilled to have them anymore once they’ve grown into teenagers.

5. The couple photo: When you’re married, this is of course always acceptable, unless you have multiple spouses in which case you should probably stick with the solo photo for recruitment purposes. The couple photo when you’re dating? Oh you’re so in love and they’re the one! Are you kidding me? How often will that stay on your page for very long? 

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