Lumosity.com commercials are everywhere lately. Whether I’m listening to the radio or watching TV, anytime that I’m try to get vapid, mind-numbing entertainment the people from Lumosity intrude, telling me that I need to play video games to be smarter. First of all, “Lumosity” isn’t even a word. I checked. The Lumosity folks may tell you that they’re so smart that they create new words. Yeah, you know who else creates words when they can’t think of something? Little kids.
Hmmm…let’s take a look at their business model. Like a drug dealer, if you go to their website they give you a little of their product for free to get you hooked, then once you’re hooked the free stuff runs out and you have to pay to get your fix. I wonder if anyone is declared a genius after their free trial? I’m guessing no. Then, for $8.67 per month you want me to play video games on your website and you will tell me when I’m smarter? Wow! That sounds like a great deal! Where do I sign up? Obviously the Honey Boo Boo crowd who buy into the Lumosity spiel need something to help them get smarter. By the way, how did the Honey Boo Boo show get on TLC? TLC stands for The Learning Channel. I’m pretty sure that watching Honey Boo Boo actually makes you dumber.
Speaking of TLC, here are some of their shows: Honey Boo Boo, Long Island Medium, Alaskan Women Looking for Love, Fabulous Cakes, My Five Wives, Americas Worst Tattoos, Welcome to Myrtle Manor and about a half dozen shows about weddings. Somewhere along the way I think the folks in charge of The Learning Channel may have lost their way.
If advertising is to be believed, if you spend all your time playing video games at Lumosity and watching shows on The Learning Channel you’ll cure cancer and invent time travel within a year. It seems like anything that tells you that they’ll make you smarter will only do so if you give them money. Lumosity, TLC, colleges…Hey Lumosity, guess what? I can get Angry Birds free on my phone and I feel like a genius when I finish a level.
If you make a typo trying to go to the Lumosity website you end up at Lumoisty.com and that is not a website you want to go to. I’m just kidding. I don’t know what’s there and I’m afraid to find out. (Someone reading this please go there and in the comments section here tell me what you find) Here’s my idea: I’m going to buy the domain name Lumoisty.com and just make it a link to The Phil Factor where the people that go there thinking they are going to some brainiac website will sign up to pay me a monthly fee to read The Phil Factor and allegedly get smarter. I may need some of you to write testimonials and maybe film a short promotional video where you say how smart The Phil Factor has made you. Who’s in?
What I love about this post is that now, as long as the internet search engines exist Lumosity and Honey Boo Boo will be forever linked. I’m sure the Lumosity folks are thrilled with that. Also, for the rest of your life whenever you see or hear a Lumosity,com commercial you’ll think Lumoisty.com. Say it out loud…Lumoisty
As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter or other social media share button below. And for God’s sake leave me some comments! I never get enough comments. Thanks for reading and have a Honey Boo Boo kind of day.
I had no idea TLC stood for The Learning Channel, but it all makes sense now, what with the latest two shows that aired in my part of the world: “My Teen Is Pregnant and So Am I,” and… wait for it… wait for it… “I can’t stop farting.” No joke. I definitely “learned” a lot.