Those of you that have followed me for a long time have seen me interview Pulitzer Prize winners, rocket scientists, magicians and a lot of awesome bestselling authors. Those interviews were alright, but today I have someone really impressive, a Mom. Not just any mom. I have a Karen Alpert, author of the New York Times bestselling book I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting and the long running, hilarious blog Baby Sideburns.
I’m a parent and I know a lot of you are too. (If you’re considering being a parent I strongly suggest reading Karen’s book first) You know how when you’re a parent sometimes you wish you could respond to your kid like you would to an adult that acted like your kid is acting? (That’s possibly the worst sentence I’ve ever constructed, but you get the gist) Or you want to scream and rant about your kids to another parent who would understand, but you don’t because you’re afraid they’d call Child Protective on you? Well guess what? Karen Alpert says all those things out loud in her book and on her blog.
TPF: Karen, thanks for visiting The Phil Factor. You worked as an ad exec for many years before becoming a mom. Both jobs involve convincing gullible people to believe you. Which is a tougher audience?
Karen: Thanks for having me, Phil. Definitely the rugrats. But advertising was awesome preparation for motherhood. I learned how to drink a lot, curse a lot, and make people believe a bunch of bullshit. Unfortunately, I think I was probably a lot more successful in the ad world.
TPF: What’s the toughest part about being a stay at home mom/author?
Karen: Not being able to eat chocolate without someone noticing. That’s really hard. Plus, when you’re working at home, it’s really difficult to get stuff done since the kids are always around. Shutting the door in your kiddo’s face because you have to work is really hard. Especially since I don’t have a soundproof room and my youngest likes to shriek at the top of his lungs like a crazy Pterodactyl.
TPF: What’s the best part of being a stay at home mom/author?
Karen: Making my own schedule is great. I never miss any of the fun school stuff like boring PTO meetings, or mind-numbing dance recitals, or monotonous plays. Plus, I’m home for dinner every night. Which basically means I have to make dinner every night. And it has to look like I really tried.
And as much as I like working at home and setting my own hours and being my own boss, oh my gawwwwd do I miss sitting at a desk next to other grownups and being sent on business trips. When I first had Zoey, I was sent on a business trip right away and I was so upset about leaving her. Now the thought of going on a six-hour flight all alone to an empty hotel room sounds heavenly.
TPF: Trust me, even though my kids are older, those business trips/breaks are great. What’s the funniest or best story you couldn’t include in your book?
Karen: Let’s just say there is one story that has something to do with, wait a sec, if I couldn’t put it in the book, I can’t put it here. Nice try.
TPF: Have you ever considered writing a chapter or blog post about potty training and calling it “American Wiper”? (Feel free to use that. It’s mine but I have no use for it)
Karen: Damn it, Phil. You’re stealing my thunder. Note to self, change title of chapter seven.
TPF: When I e-mailed, you said you were up to your elbows in a book proposal. Unless that’s code for tiny human bodily fluids, could you give us a preview of your next book?
Karen: Sure. It’s going to have pages and probably a cover. And my name will be on the cover. And there will probably be chocolate on the draft that I send to my editor. Well, there would be if people still sent paper drafts. Oh how I wish I knew what it was going to be about. The truth is the last time I did this, I did it all alone. I self-published and I didn’t have anyone edit it (because I’m an idiot and spelled the words your and you’re wrong all over the place, oh, and flatulence) and I never wrote a proposal. This whole thing is totally new to me and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. But I’m crossing my fingers that my brain farts out a couple of funny ideas so we’ll see.
Karen, thank you for taking some time from your busy schedule to entertain my readers. For those of you who want to enjoy more of Karen’s brilliant, sarcastic wit and insight, you can read her book I Heart My Little A-Holes, her essay in the humor essay collection I Just Want to Pee Alone and her hilariously awesome blog Baby Sideburns. You can also follow Karen on Facebook and Twitter. Seriously, read her book and follow her blog. She’s hilarious.
As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor, please put the social in social media by sharing it with your friends by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Friday! ~ Phi