People passed me up again? Are you kidding me? What do I have to do? Noah Wyle just acted in a show that was sued for being an unauthorized re-boot of ER. And he doesn’t even have a blog?
He looks way older than me. Did you know that he was also added to the TIME 100 List of Influential People . He was added because LeVar Burton wrote an essay?!!? So if one of your buddies writes a letter, you get an award? Yep, that’s how Hollywood works. Noah Wyle didn’t write his show. He’s just repeating words someone else wrote for him. In about two weeks, I’ll be in Hollywood, and I plan to file a lawsuit over this year’s Sexiest Man Alive. Like Trump, I’m going to whine about this until people stop paying attention to me.
So why me for Sexiest Man Alive? Just because the other guys nominated are famous doesn’t mean they are sexier than me. Think about this; part of being an actor is the fact that sometimes between shows and movies, you’re completely unemployed. In fact, at this very moment all of them may be unemployed and completely without health insurance! Me? Fully employed and insured.
Also, all actors and athletes are known for having very active night lives and are rarely home. You know what I think women find sexy? A man who comes home at night with flowers, helps clean up from dinner, takes the kids to the park and then sits down with a glass of wine next to you on the couch while you watch those ridiculous cooking and home improvement shows. Of course, if I had a nightlife, or friends in real life who invited me out, that would be different, but I don’t, so consequently, I’m sexy as hell to real women who want a real man. I’m not even sure I can find my Hammer pants anymore. Is that still a thing?
There’s no need for you to stroke my ego in the comments. Have a great Monday, and, thanks for reading. ~Phil
