Category Archives: Sexiest Man Alive

Sexiest Man Alive?!!?

Chris Evans ogling Elizabeth Olsen

Hey People Magazine, really? Is this what it’s come to? You’re giving Sexiest Man Alive to Chris Evans? What happened, did you run out of Hemsworths? No, you did not. Luke Hemsworth is still out there and you picked this guy?!!? Apparently anyone who gets a job in a Marvel movie is eligible to be Sexiest Man Alive. And here he is in that picture ogling the wholesome Elizabeth Olsen, my favorite of the Olsen twins. I expect the Sexiest Man Alive to exhibit better decorum than that. I ask you People Magazine, are there any pictures circulating on the interwebs of me lasciviously eyeing an Olsen twin?  No there is not.

Normally, in addition to mocking the current Sexiest Man Alive, I would make my case as to why I should have been chosen. This year I’d like to nominate a few other candidates that I feel are far more deserving of the award than Chris Evans, me, or any Hemsworth you might dig up.

Volodymyr Zelensky went from lawyer to comedian to President of a small country that most people didn’t think much about until last February. He has lead his small country against a huge country with infinitely more resources and is impossibly holding their own despite limited help from other countries. When the United States offered to fly him out of his country early in the war, he replied “The fight is here. I need ammunition, not a ride.”  That’s better than any line Chris Evans ever uttered in a movie. I can’t tell you how many women I know that immediately thought Volodymyr was sexy AF.

This man is heroic but is not married to Savannah Guthrie…yet

You know how there are hundreds of movies about airplane pilots passing out or whatever and some random passenger takes over and with the help of air traffic control folks over  the radio manages to land a plane and save everyone’s life? This guy, Darren Harrison, did just that in real life. That is effing sexier than making a superhero movie.

This man is the Sexiest Man Alive to cancer patients.

How about some more love for platelet donors? Platelet donors save the lives of countless cancer patients. It’s not a comfortable process. It takes about two hours and you can’t move your arms the whole time.  You’re also really cold because they take your blood out of one arm, filter the platelets out of the blood and then put that blood, now much cooler, back in through the other arm. So for two hours you’re cold, you’ve got needles in both arms, and you can’t move to scratch an itch. It’s like a kind of torture. But there are people that do it every two weeks, saving countless lives of people they don’t even know. At the end they get some juice and free Cheez-Its.

People like Zelenskyy, Darren Harrison, and every platelet donor ought to be winning awards and being put on magazine covers instead of  some pampered pretty boy who memorized a few lines.

Have a great Sunday, and go donate some platelets or just whole blood if you can! In the States, American Red Cross donation centers are open now. ~Phil

Channing Tatum: Sexiest Man Alive? Hardly.

People Magazine recently named their Sexiest Man Alive, and again, it wasn’t me. Yeah, I know, shocker. Channing Tatum?!!? Puh- leeze! I scrape stuff off my shoe that’s sexier than Channing Tatum. Have you noticed they always choose actors? Not once have they considered a blogger. First of all, I wasn’t even interviewed. How fair is that?

Go on, compare his picture, which you have to Google to even find, while I put mine right here for all to see, with mine in the top left of the page. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. I’ve been doing that all night and I still don’t see it. Sexier than me? Who is doing the rating? Ray Charles? Stevie Wonder? (Why aren’t there famous blind women?) I’m mean, c’mon, as far as I know he is completely “between jobs” right now. Meanwhile I have a full time job with health insurance and everything!

And his abs in Magic Mike? Completely airbrushed. My abs? Never been airbrushed. Not once. They are au naturel my friends. Both of them. And those dance moves. Yeah, Channing, we saw Napoleon Dynamite too. Way to go. Pedro for President.

And how about Facebook, the social convention by which all human value is measured. Does Channing let you be his Facebook friend? No, of course not. He is snooty. Snooty? Snotty! I of course will quote Ferris Bueller and let you be my Facebook friend. Check. Scoreboard, Phil again. And talk about snotty! He goes by his full name, Channing. He’s too good for Chan isn’t he? Do see me going by Philip? Of course not. The Philip Factor would sound stupid and snotty. 

Raise your hand if you’ve read Chan Tatums’s blog? Of course you haven’t! He doesn’t have a blog. I do. I have a blog, a full-time job, and health insurance. Chan? No, no, and no. Ask yourself this, who have you spent more time reading about this year, him or me? We all know the answer to that. You’ve been to my blog at least once a week. How many times a week do you go out of your way to read what Chan thinks? Oh wait, that’s right, we’re not even sure Chan has thoughts. Also, you see my picture everytime you visit this blog. Because of that you’ve definitely looked at my picture more than you’ve looked at Chan Tatum’s this year too. Do you know why? That’s right, because I’m sexier. Case closed. In fact my argument here is so watertight that I doubt Channing (read with sarcastic tone) will even attempt to refute it. In fact Chan, if you disagree, feel free to post a comment here stating your case.

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to support my bid for Sexiest Blogger Alive you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle, follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor and my humorous, murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is available for the Kindle, Nook, and iPad. If you liked what you read today feel free to leave a comment below and hit the Facebook “Share” button when you go back to your page. Also, if you’re not my Facebook friend yet, feel free to friend me. I doubt that’s an offer you’ll get from Chan.

 

The Curse of Bradley Cooper

People Magazine recently named their Sexiest Man Alive, and again, it wasn’t me. Bradley Cooper?!!? Puh- leeze! I scrape stuff off my shoe that’s sexier than Bradley Cooper. Have you noticed they always choose actors? Not once have they considered a blogger. First of all, I wasn’t even interviewed. How fair is that? Go on, compare his picture, which you have to Google to even find, while I put mine right here for all to see, with mine in the top left of the page. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. His picture, my picture. I’ve been doing that all night and I still don’t see it. Sexier than me? Who is doing the rating? Ray Charles? Stevie Wonder? (Why aren’t there famous blind women?) I’m mean, c’mon, as far as I know he is completely unemployed right now. Meanwhile I have a full time job with health insurance and everything!

And how about Facebook, the social convention by which all human value is measured. Does Bradley let you be his Facebook friend? No, of course not. He is snooty. Snooty? Snotty! I of course will quote Ferris Bueller and let you be my Facebook friend. Check. Scoreboard, Phil again. And talk about snotty! He goes by his full name, Bradley. He’s too good for Brad isn’t he? Do see me going by Philip? Of course not. The Philip Factor would sound stupid and snotty. 

Raise your hand if you’ve read Bradley Cooper’s blog? Of course you haven’t! He doesn’t have a blog. I do. I have a blog, a full-time job, health insurance and the ability to use what I’ve learned about personal hygiene. Cooper? No, no, no, and a big NO on the hygiene. Ask yourself this, who have you spent more time reading about this year, him or me? We all know the answer to that. You’ve been to my blog at least once or twice a week. How many times a week do you go out of your way to read what Bradley Cooper has to say? In fact, you see my picture everytime you visit this blog. Because of that you’ve definitely looked at my picture more than you’ve looked at Bradley Cooper’s this year too. Do you know why? That’s right, because I’m sexier. Case closed. In fact my argument here is so watertight that I doubt Bradley (read with sarcastic tone) will even attempt to refute it. In fact Bradley, if you disagree, feel free to post a comment here stating your case. 

Addendum: I had written all of the above last night with the intention of posting it this morning. Today I got up, took my dogs out, and as I re-entered my home I turned for a moment and as I turned back, the door I had just opened, much to my surprise, decided to meet me halfway, causing a 1 1/2 inch gash in my forehead that required four stitches. Bradley, you and your witchy ways may have delayed me from posting this, but I was not to be deterred. My hope is that the new scar on my forehead will only increase my ruggedly, handsome good looks to the point that People Magazine will see the error of their ways and I will supplant you. 

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to support my bid for Sexiest Blogger Alive you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle, follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor and of course, scroll down a little and click the Facebook “Like” button below.