(I’m running this post again because my friend Gooby reminded me of the e-mail Christmas card he sent last year. It illustrates my point perfectly.) I love animals as much as the next person, but what drives me crazy is the people who insist on treating their animals like they’re children. Especially you couples without children who take your pet to the photo studio and get a family portrait taken as if the pet is your child. We all tell you this Christmas card is adorable, but what we’re really thinking is, “Wow! That is pathetic. That poor dog. How does he put up with these morons?” If you ever put your pet in clothing someone should call the police. And why do people talk to their pets as if they’re small children? “Oh! There’s my little smoochy poochy! Who wants a cookie? Who wants it?” First of all, your pet can’t understand you, and second of all, if they can understand you, they think you’re a moron!
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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