Since I’ll be gone for the weekend again I didn’t want my last post to be Thursday, so I’m telling a great story from work. If reading my blog didn’t convince you that the internet is dangerous, then this story will. Occasionally I work at the emergency department of a local hospital. (That’s already a scary thought isn’t it?) I evaluate the mentally ill people who come in, or are brought in by the police, and decide if they are safe to go home without being a danger to themselves or others. Occasionally one of the inpatient medical units in the hospital will call and ask for an evaluation of a patient they may have discovered was depressed or possibly psychotic. So one day I’m sitting in the emergency dept. enjoying a good game of bedpan bowling when I get a request from the urology unit to come up and evaluate one of their patients. For those of you who rode the short bus to my blog, urologists are doctors who treat the part of you that goes pee. So I go up to the unit and this is what I learn: A 26 year old male had cut open his scrotum, gotten one of his testicles out, and called an ambulance when he couldn’t get it back in. Here’s how my interview with him went, Me-“So, can you tell me why you’re here?” Patient-“I did something stupid.” That had to be the Hurricane Katrina of understatements. He then went on to explain how he had a few beers, was looking at some websites, and got curious about what was inside his marble bag. Now I’ve been drunk before, but never so drunk that I wanted to go Extreme Makeover on my genitals. In case you’re curious, I’ll give you the link to the site he was looking at. HA HA! Just kidding. No, I didn’t ask the website. I didn’t want to know. The temptation might be too much. The story had a happy ending as he promised to leave all his future surgeries to real doctors and I cleared him to go home the next day. Be thankful that I didn’t include any pictures with this post.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor. thephilfactor.com
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