Just A Story

Since I’ll be gone for the weekend again I didn’t want my last post to be Thursday, so I’m telling a great story from work. If reading my blog didn’t convince you that the internet is dangerous, then this story will. Occasionally I work at the emergency department of a local hospital. (That’s already a scary thought isn’t it?) I evaluate the mentally ill people who come in, or are brought in by the police, and decide if they are safe to go home without being a danger to themselves or others. Occasionally one of the inpatient medical units in the hospital will call and ask for an evaluation of a patient they may have discovered was depressed or possibly psychotic. So one day I’m sitting in the emergency dept. enjoying a good game of bedpan bowling when I get a request from the urology unit to come up and evaluate one of their patients. For those of you who rode the short bus to my blog, urologists are doctors who treat the part of you that goes pee. So I go up to the unit and this is what I learn: A 26 year old male had cut open his scrotum, gotten one of his testicles out, and called an ambulance when he couldn’t get it back in. Here’s how my interview with him went, Me-“So, can you tell me why you’re here?” Patient-“I did something stupid.” That had to be the Hurricane Katrina of understatements. He then went on to explain how he had a few beers, was looking at some websites, and got curious about what was inside his marble bag. Now I’ve been drunk before, but never so drunk that I wanted to go Extreme Makeover on my genitals. In case you’re curious, I’ll give you the link to the site he was looking at. HA HA! Just kidding. No, I didn’t ask the website. I didn’t want to know. The temptation might be too much. The story had a happy ending as he promised to leave all his future surgeries to real doctors and I cleared him to go home the next day. Be thankful that I didn’t include any pictures with this post.

7 responses to “Just A Story

  1. Curious-Are you a psychologist? Erm… interesting stuff you deal with. Are you analyzing us as we blog… I am saying nothing more… ever… lest I get Baker Acted. ick-N

  2. Yeah so, what was in the sac?? LOL! You know Phil, I really think that guy was <>nuts<>. I’m just sayin’.Happy weekend!Lois Lane

  3. Isnt working with mental illness FUN? They’re always good for a giggle sometimes. One time, one of the kids that I worked with, had broken 3 windows in a morning by punching them and was screaming at the top of his lungs all beccuase he didnt want to get out of bed. I was SO fed up with him, that when he cut his arm on a peice of glass, I took him down to the nurses station, and poured rubbing alcohol on his cut. Of course he screamed that it ws burning, and I told him that I didnt care, did he NOT know what gangrene is?And Natalia…I’m not a psychologist…but i’m certified to give analysis…I can have a 4 page report for you in 2 days. LOL

  4. Bugger Lois…she stole my line!LOL cool story Phil, just glad the guy never came across the Lorenna Bobbit webpage!

  5. What a freakin’ moron! Geez. I mean…i don’t know how you guys walk around with those things all the time anyway but still. Hmmmmm.Makes my story of the woman coming into the ER with a vibrator stuck in her rear boring.

  6. I think I’ll share this story with my son to scare him into never drinking. How totally bizarre. Great story, glad I found your site.

  7. Oops. I removed a testicle.

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