On the Second Day of Christmas….

I want someone to give to me…. a special law that limits the times of day the elderly can drive and go to stores. No, before you all attack me for being anti-elderly hear me out. Fact No. 1: The elderly drive slow and move slow. Fact No. 2: Fact no. 1 is very frustrating for the faster moving people. But, I also believe that the elderly are also frustrated by the difference between the speed they move and the speed others move. I’m sure they don’t enjoy people honking at them on the roads, pushing by them in stores, beating them out for a spot in line at the cash register, huffing impatiently behind them as we are blocked while they attempt to navigate the ever narrowing store aisles with their walkers. Let’s face it, we are all probably somewhat rude to the elderly in this way. I think that if there was a law that stated that the elderly cannot be on the roads during morning and evening rush hour and that they should limit their shopping to the hours of 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on weekdays we would all be happier. The elderly would no longer have to put up with an ever impatient society trying to shove them aside and the rest of us would see a corresponding decrease in our blood pressure on a daily basis. The elderly could then browse the stores at their leisure in a pseudo-Dawn of the Dead zombie-like march down the aisles and on the roads. Don’t get me wrong, I love the elderly. I hope to be very elderly one day, albeit with all my mental and physical faculties intact as they are today. I can only imagine that as an elderly gentleman someday that I will be likely to use my cane to hit in the shins any rude, young, punk who tries to rush past me to get in line ahead of me at the supermarket. (I know you’re all going to kill me for this one)