Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for Phil’s Blog Party. If I had my Christmas wish come true I’d rent out the ballroom of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Manhattan, New York City for a party and I’d invite everyone who has ever read my blog. I’ll be hiring three bands to play live at the party: The B-52’s (what could be a better party song than “Love Shack” live?), The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones, and the Bare Naked Ladies. Three great party bands. We would also be free to karaoke all night, as the lead singer of each band would step aside for us. Also invited to the party would be representatives of several book publishers who would be available to sign all of us aspiring writers to contracts. On a large plasma screen above the dance floor images of our blogs would flash throughout the night. There would be no computer access in the party though so we could all meet each other without a keyboard and screen between us.
In addition to the bands I would also invite The Golden Boys. If you don’t know The Golden Boys then go check my archives from June 29th to July 11th. (I don’t know how to do that thing where I can create a link here yet). The Golden Boys are a show in and of themselves.
I would stock the bar with plenty of Foster’s for all my Australian blogging friends. I would charter a bus to Toronto to pick up all the Canadians. I imagine they’d all be pretty intoxicated on the bus long before they arrived. Linny and Princess Pessimism would arrive together because they have agreed to be each others dates. I doubt that they’d leave without dates however. Lois would arrive in a truck with her hubby and all the little Lanes in tow. She’d be carrying her laptop around at the party trying to get a good wireless internet signal to come in. Don’t worry parents, there will be a kiddie room away from our party. Berly would have left the little one with hubby to come party with all her friends. Natalia would cruise up to the door in her PT Cruiser, jauntily flipping the keys to the valet. Chloe would fly in from Athens and arrive with enough Uzo for everyone. My friend from Michigan would brave the time zone barrier to make it. Michelle and Chloe would be the official party photographers, snapping pics and immediately posting them to their blogs through Lois’ laptop. Justine would have to resist political conversations. This is a night for fun only. Well-Woman arrives early, but leaves early to spend a quiet night at home sipping tea. Some of the newer bloggers such as Meow,Geewits, and Heidi are wandering the ballroom gaping in awe at the blogging royalty, even asking for the occasional autograph. For snacks our friend Debbiecakes will be bringing popcorn. Don’t worry ladies, I’d have security at the entrances to ensure that Hernesto doesn’t get into the party. He’s got to be registered as a sexual offender somewhere. Security would also be frisking each and every one of you (don’t get too excited) to ensure that no one brings a cell phone in.
One of the best features of the party is that I’ve had the bathroom stalls at the Ritz-Carlton modified so that each is the size of a master bedroom. Tidy Bowl in particular appreciates this feature. There will of course be more entertainment than just the bands however. I’ll reprise my past life by doing a 20 minute set of stand-up comedy using material that has yet to appear on the blog. Then of course The Golden Boys will take over, and to the surprise of no one, recreate the dance routine from the movie The Full Monty.
Lastly at midnight I’d make a corny, sentimental speech and thank all the people that made this possible, such as Erin, my friend from work who suggested I do a blog with all my ridiculous thoughts. She has never once signed up for a blogger ID and as such has never left a single comment on my blog despite the fact that she has read every single post since the beginning. Michelle gets a special thank you as well for being the second commenter ever, but the only one that has been there ever since. I would give Lois a trophy shaped like a laptop and engraved “Blog Diva” because she truly is. In a sad reflection on our community I now take a moment to point out that through my 12 Days of Christmas, my Christmas wish that received the most commentary was my idea of bigger bathroom stalls. At this point I’d like to apologize to anyone who’s name I’ve left out. I know this is getting a bit long to read, but rest assured, even if I haven’t mentioned you, I truly appreciate the time you’ve taken to read and comment on my blog. At the end of the party, so no one has to drive drunk, you can all retire to the Ritz-Carlton suites I’ve reserved for all party guests. Somehow I doubt everyone would be returning to their suites alone. Or at least some of you are hoping I’m sure. Happy Holidays everyone!