On the 12th Day of Christmas…

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for Phil’s Blog Party. If I had my Christmas wish come true I’d rent out the ballroom of the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Manhattan, New York City for a party and I’d invite everyone who has ever read my blog. I’ll be hiring three bands to play live at the party: The B-52’s (what could be a better party song than “Love Shack” live?), The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones, and the Bare Naked Ladies. Three great party bands. We would also be free to karaoke all night, as the lead singer of each band would step aside for us. Also invited to the party would be representatives of several book publishers who would be available to sign all of us aspiring writers to contracts. On a large plasma screen above the dance floor images of our blogs would flash throughout the night. There would be no computer access in the party though so we could all meet each other without a keyboard and screen between us.

In addition to the bands I would also invite The Golden Boys. If you don’t know The Golden Boys then go check my archives from June 29th to July 11th. (I don’t know how to do that thing where I can create a link here yet). The Golden Boys are a show in and of themselves.

I would stock the bar with plenty of Foster’s for all my Australian blogging friends. I would charter a bus to Toronto to pick up all the Canadians. I imagine they’d all be pretty intoxicated on the bus long before they arrived. Linny and Princess Pessimism would arrive together because they have agreed to be each others dates. I doubt that they’d leave without dates however. Lois would arrive in a truck with her hubby and all the little Lanes in tow. She’d be carrying her laptop around at the party trying to get a good wireless internet signal to come in. Don’t worry parents, there will be a kiddie room away from our party. Berly would have left the little one with hubby to come party with all her friends. Natalia would cruise up to the door in her PT Cruiser, jauntily flipping the keys to the valet. Chloe would fly in from Athens and arrive with enough Uzo for everyone. My friend from Michigan would brave the time zone barrier to make it. Michelle and Chloe would be the official party photographers, snapping pics and immediately posting them to their blogs through Lois’ laptop. Justine would have to resist political conversations. This is a night for fun only. Well-Woman arrives early, but leaves early to spend a quiet night at home sipping tea. Some of the newer bloggers such as Meow,Geewits, and Heidi are wandering the ballroom gaping in awe at the blogging royalty, even asking for the occasional autograph. For snacks our friend Debbiecakes will be bringing popcorn. Don’t worry ladies, I’d have security at the entrances to ensure that Hernesto doesn’t get into the party. He’s got to be registered as a sexual offender somewhere. Security would also be frisking each and every one of you (don’t get too excited) to ensure that no one brings a cell phone in.

One of the best features of the party is that I’ve had the bathroom stalls at the Ritz-Carlton modified so that each is the size of a master bedroom. Tidy Bowl in particular appreciates this feature. There will of course be more entertainment than just the bands however. I’ll reprise my past life by doing a 20 minute set of stand-up comedy using material that has yet to appear on the blog. Then of course The Golden Boys will take over, and to the surprise of no one, recreate the dance routine from the movie The Full Monty.

Lastly at midnight I’d make a corny, sentimental speech and thank all the people that made this possible, such as Erin, my friend from work who suggested I do a blog with all my ridiculous thoughts. She has never once signed up for a blogger ID and as such has never left a single comment on my blog despite the fact that she has read every single post since the beginning. Michelle gets a special thank you as well for being the second commenter ever, but the only one that has been there ever since. I would give Lois a trophy shaped like a laptop and engraved “Blog Diva” because she truly is. In a sad reflection on our community I now take a moment to point out that through my 12 Days of Christmas, my Christmas wish that received the most commentary was my idea of bigger bathroom stalls. At this point I’d like to apologize to anyone who’s name I’ve left out. I know this is getting a bit long to read, but rest assured, even if I haven’t mentioned you, I truly appreciate the time you’ve taken to read and comment on my blog. At the end of the party, so no one has to drive drunk, you can all retire to the Ritz-Carlton suites I’ve reserved for all party guests. Somehow I doubt everyone would be returning to their suites alone. Or at least some of you are hoping I’m sure. Happy Holidays everyone!

27 responses to “On the 12th Day of Christmas…

  1. Woooohoooooooooooooooooo! How appropriate i arrive first! Ok Phil, where are those guys that frisk?! Did you say Fosters? Been a long flight Phil, 20 hrs from Brisbane to NY but i am sooooooooooo honored to be here and official reporter (btw if i happen to go missing, blame Lois, that gal will lead me astray, i hear she can’t be trusted). Now come gimme a hug, you even hired The b52’s for us!Phil, this is my most favoritist post of yours ( is that a word? LOL) you have out done yourself!If it were only true, what a blast we’d all have!Phil, i hope you and your family have a safe and happy Christmas, look forward to catching some fun stories :o)

  2. Thanks Michelle! I knew you’d be first because when I post in the morning here I know you read it at the end of your day there because of the time diff. Merry Christmas to you and your daughter!

  3. Phil, I’m at your Christmas wish party in a heartbeat..I luv NYC!Wishing you all the best..Merry Christmas..Peace and Happiness to you in 2006~Great big Canadian Hug to you.((( Phil)))

  4. your xmas wish party sounds like a blast.love the idea of having the MMBT’s and B-52’s on the same stage… totally rocking!you didn’t mention any food, and did i here someone mutter the magic words free bar? no?..shame!happy holidays!

  5. thanks for the invitation and i would be honoured to be the party photographer!I’d love such a party! So glamorous.Merry Christmas. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  6. Sounds like a blast! I’m totally there!

  7. Px, thanks for coming to the party and for visiting my blog for the first time. Of course the food is free and it’s open bar all night. You’re on the list for next year.

  8. Ritz-Carlton, eh? Are you made on money this x-mas? Here I am, in my red PT Cruiser and the valet people better take care of my baby Lucifer πŸ™‚Now, where are the B52’s? I wanna dance!-N

  9. Dude, this is one helluva rocking party and if you think I am going to leave early to go home and sip tea you are out of your mind!!! I don’t drink tea put I’ll bring my own Diet Coke and Biccardi 151 and mabye a box of gold tipped Shermans for the occasion.Ok, I hate parties where you have to sit and talk to people, but this is my kind of party!!!! Especially the music!This is an incredible post because you took time to include all your “friends”. Phil, when your book does get published I think we seriuosly should have a huge celebration! Oh my gosh, what will I wear?????Merry Christmas to you and your kids!!!

  10. Phil you make me LAUGH!!!You’re awesome…and hilarious. And there’s no need for food when there’s a bar…i’ve been home for 2 days and my diet has consisted of liquid only.

  11. Oh God. I would totally be there.But who will drive me home when I inevitably drink to much?LOLLuv ya, Phil! Merry Christmas.

  12. Phil, thanks for inviting me, and mentioning me personaly on your post. I would be there in an instant. The B52’s, yay !!! Love them. Rock Lobster would have to be one of my all time favourite bands. Hope you and you family have a wonderful safe and happy Christmas, and look forward to more blogging soon. Alwas love your posts.Thanks again, have a good one.Meow xx

  13. That sounds like quite the party! What a great way to celebrate Christmas/Holidays!

  14. And just for the record…I think linny would be a great date LOL!!!! We could sit at the bar and bitch about men all night. My long lost partner in crime…and bitching.

  15. Merry Christmas Phil! Cool Party!

  16. The party sounds good, but I was insulted by my description. I’m not in awe of anyone except maybe Mother Teresa, and she’s dead. And I sure as hell wouldn’t ask for anyone’s autograph. Yuck.I hope you had a Merry Christmas!

  17. By the way, my beer consumption is not limited to Fosters. As long as its pilsner/ lager/ bitter, as long as its full strength, and so long as its cold!πŸ™‚Hope you had a great day, Phil.

  18. Natalia- I’m sure the valets would take as good care of your car as they did Cameron’s in Ferris Bueller.Well-woman- I’m sorry I underestimated you.Geewits- I’m sorry I uinsulted you, but some of those present are the blogging equivalent of Mother Theresa.Princess- That’s why I paired two up. I knew you two would have fun together. I’m disappointed Linny hasn’t shown up here yet.

  19. Heidi- Thanks for coming to the party and to my blog. I hope you’re here for next years party.Chloe- I’m glad you could make it all the way from Athens. Tidy Bowl- I’m glad you made it. I hope you have fun at the party and my blog.Berly- You don’t need to drive home! Didn’t you read about the hotel rooms exactly for that purpose?Justine- Don’t worry, we won’t just have Foster’s at the bar. We’ll have all the best New Zealand beers. Whatever those are.Meow- I’m glad you made the trip!PBS- Welcome to my party and my blog. I hope you come back.

  20. I didn’t comment in time to manage an invitation to the party, but I come bearing hope — the B-52s are performing an outdoor concert in South Florida on New Year’s eve. There are port-a-pottys instead of the master bedroom-sized bathroom stalls, but I’m pretty sure it’ll still be a good time. Fly down to Orlando, bring a bottle of Nyquil to ease Nat’s cold and I bet she’ll happily introduce you to Lucifer for the ride down! Happy Christmas.

  21. That would be quite some party Phil! I’d be there! πŸ™‚

  22. Although I didn’t get to mention everyone, anyone who has ever commented upon my blog is/was invited this year and next. By commenting here you are guaranteed an invite to next years shindig. What I want to know is who’s throwing the New Years blog party?

  23. Sorry for the lack of visiting. I’ve been in hell this weekend. Will have to visit my blog for details.On a brighter note…I would totally take PP over all the jerks I’ve met anyday!!

  24. Merry Christmas to you….And Michigan and New York are in the same time zone! Thanks for your wonderful comments in my blog… You do keep me laughing when it is hard. Tawnya

  25. Thanks for the invite, Phil. Sorry to comment so late, but ya know, whatever. I still made it, right?Happy New Year everybody, and I’m working on a big bash at my blog. Okay, not really, but you’re all invited anyway…

  26. Well shit Phil. No one told me the party ended. I was still over there dancin’ with the B52s and whorin’ out my blog. πŸ˜‰Thanks for the swell party.Lois Lane

  27. I’m glad you finally made it Lois. Enjoy your trophy.

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