Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Do!

Have I got another riddle for you? My riddle is, why in the world would anyone go fake tanning? Not once have I ever woken up and thought to myself, “Hmmm…what to do today? I wonder how I’d look if my skin were orange? While I’m at it, I wish there was a way I could cause my skin to age faster so that my face will look like an old baseball glove by the time I’m 40. If only there was an activity that could meet those two needs!” There’s a tanning “studio” right next to my gym. Big surprise eh? You can just imagine what the people look like who frequent both places. They look like Oompa Loompa’s on steroids. Even if I wanted to go fake tanning there is no way I could do it. Being a fair skinned lad of Irish descent I imagine that if I laid down in a tanning bed and flipped the “on” switch there would just be a bright flash of flame (fwoosh!) and then there would be nothing left of me but a pile of ashes and a pair of those goofy tanning goggles laying in the bed. To anyone who does go fake tanning, I’ve got a secret to tell you. We all know it’s a fake tan. If I wanted to look at a big, orange head I’d carve a pumpkin.

25 responses to “Oompa Loompa Doompa Dee Do!

  1. OMG!! I am very fair skinned too, so I am the same way. I see these people who bake themselves at the beach (when I lived in florida) and they always asked me if I lived there year round. I said yes, and they asked me why I was so pale. I told them this:” Let me tell you a secret, we who live here year round, we HAVE to work, we don’t have time to bake ourselves in the beach like a side of beef.” Geeze, duh. Tawnya

  2. I’m also very fair-skinned, but the only fake tan I’ve ever received is from a bottle. And even that I haven’t done very often. I’ve never understood why people want to bake themselves in a tanning bed so they can look like they’re 40 when they’re really only 20 years old.Like Tawnya said, I’m not a side of beef. I don’t need to be cooked.

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  4. I tan every late winter, early spring in the fake tanner. 4 times at 10 minutes and I am good to go. If I dont I burn like crazy. I tan and look great. Since I spend a huge amount of my time on a beach and on my boat better to be tan than burned and living on the couch with noxema.

  5. Hello Michigan! You’re not really tannning, you’re oranging! And c’mon, do you really expect us to believe that there’s any real sunlight in Michigan?

  6. I like tanning….although I only do it a few times a year….I’ve got olivey skin to begin with anyway, so tanning for me is a 2 or 3 day event, and I look like i’ve been to mexico for a month.You said “Eh” in your blog. LOL

  7. Yup – I’ve done it. It didn’t turn out too badly, but it made me realise my natural colour is a WHOLE lot nicer than the ones they sell!I say, if sunbaking at midnight is good enough for Nicole and Renee, its good enough for me.I can’t stand the sun.

  8. I never have understood this. Why in the hell do these people actually think they look good? I’ll go to the tanning bed on occassion so I can get a base tan if I’m planning on going somewhere and don’t want to get burnt…but I have NEVER let myself look like that.

  9. As with anything…Excess is BAD! I must say that I have seen people that use tanning beds and look good. It is the “regulars” putting themselves at risk, due to maximum UV exposure, that look ridiculous and sometimes orange. However, let’s face facts, there are people that lay outside in the sun that look just as bad or worse.I am all about the “Healthy Glow”, and you don’t even have to go tanning to have that!

  10. i enjoyed the “fwoosh” very nice touch

  11. Princess- I love the new Clockwork Orange logo. Nice touch.

  12. dear lovey heart- Thanks for the compliment. I’m very proud of my ability to spell sounds. It’s on my resume.

  13. Thanks Phil…it’s my favorite movie!

  14. Dear Phil,I have to tell you I got a kick out of your blog. I have to admit I am a fake and bake person. I enjoy the tanning bed because for one I get a nice base for the spring, two because it actually helps me to feel better at the end of winter to get under that type of lamp because lets face it, by the end of a Minnesota’s Winter the dulldrums start to set in. We are all allowed our own opinions and I realize its not very healthy at all but my only saving grace when I go to the tanning bed is I cover my face so I don’t get age marks or leather face. LOLLLL I know it doesn’t make sense to some but to me I will skip the face tanning and work on the rest of my body…No need to age before my time. Thanks for the laughs :O)

  15. Avonnah- Thanks for the compliments and thanks for stopping by.

  16. Erm..that is an easy question to answer… why do people go tanning in tanning salons?Vanity, narcissism, need to fit in, fear of ridicule, social pressure to conform, lack of self-esteem, stupidity, lack of information, lack of education… I could go on.Take your pick…there is your answer.-N

  17. Aaaah! Natalia you are ever the academic. Yes, those are the reasons, but my question was more why do these people think they look good with the fake tan and how can they possibly think they are fooling the rest of us?

  18. Phil-I don’t think they even get that far in their thinking.Why else would people wear ridiculous fashion? Social pressures remove all need for logic or reasoning.C’mon…you know this 🙂-N

  19. I haven’t been on a tanning bed for yrs..Have been experimenting with Spray Tanning , too expensive..And have yet to try the pefect tinted tanning in bottles. I end up with streaks or brownish/orange hands.

  20. HI Phil and Natalia~Just want to make a small point. I am not socially insecure nor am I insecure in my position in my job. I am not vain or narcistic. I live and work outside the “norm” of society so I dont feel the need to “fit in”. I am educated, informed and not stupid. I also am not orange. I do however tan in a tanner a few times every spring. I am not making excuses or apologizing for doing so. I do it to give my body a base so that I do NOT burn over and over during the summer even wearing 45 sunproof. It also makes me feel good. Lieing there under the warmth and tricking my brain into thinking we are actually getting some sunshine is awesome. A Michigan winter is long and we dont see sunshine. I dont feel bad about this nor will you under-informed, closed minded people make me feel bad.

  21. Hey Michigan- I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. I’m obviously poking fun at those who over-do it. It appears I’ve touched a nerve in all the base tanners out there. Of course everyone claims to be just getting that base tan.

  22. Yes, Michigan…taking things waaaay to heart.But we are all still entitled to our informed opinions.-N

  23. You were in my head again. I am going to post about this one day. Notes are already written about the orange lady with the neck lines in her chin rolls. Ewwwwww!

  24. Hi Phil, tanning comments aside …. My daughter just spent the last three evenings watching the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – over and over (she just loves it !!). I’ve got that damn Oompa Loompa song going through my head constantly !!!Did you know that eating lots of orange fruit and vegetables (pumpkin, carrots, etc.) causes the palms of your hands, and the soles of your feet, as well as the rest of your skin (although not as obvious) to get that same (lovely !!!) orange hue !!!!Aaargh, don’t do it !!!

  25. now i don’t know about this one, when my ex-husband decided to go to the tanning bed and lay for 15 minutes in a twenty minute bed his first go round naked, it was quite an enjoyable experience.

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