The Note

No, not The Notebook. That’s a chick flick, and you know I wouldn’t be talking about that. This note is just a single piece of paper. Normally I’m not freaked out by paper products. On any given day I handle, look at, and write on many, many pieces of paper with little or no trauma. With the exception of the occasional paper cut, most of the pieces of paper I see are harmless. This note was not harmless

On Wednesdays I work until 7 p.m. Yesterday after finishing up work at my usual time I walked out to the parking lot behind my building. This story would undoubtedly be more dramatic if the parking lot were dark and empty except for my car, but it wasn’t like that. There were several other cars around and the lights in the parking lot were working just fine. Nothing appeared unusual and I didn’t expect anything more than my normal drive home. I got in my car, and as I prepared to back out I turned to look out the rear window only to see that my vision was blocked by a piece of newspaper blown onto the window. Or so I thought. I put my car in park, walked around to the rear of the car and pulled the paper off. I walked back to my open door, and on the seat was a small neatly folded piece of pink paper. It’s the kind of paper that comes in one of those little stationary sets with matching envelopes. I opened it up and in what appeared to be female handwriting was written, “You look even cuter in person. Love, Me.” I calmly closed my car door, locked it, and drove straight to the police station nearest my home. I figured that if my stalker was going to kill me it would likely be at home. Needless to say, the officer on duty was completely underwhelmed by my little note and my story of e-mails from an internet admirer. He not so subtly told me that the police were too busy pursuing criminals with guns to pursue criminals with keyboards. His advice was to keep the note and the e-mails, which while annoying have yet to be actually threatening, and to allow Yahoo to trace them to their source and notify the culprits I.S.P. Apparently, throwing a complimentary note in someone’s car is not considered a crime.

Understandably, I did not agree with the officer’s finite wisdom and let him know that in far less tactful ways than I am expressing here. I have notified the Yahoo investigator of the recent development. Yahoo was kind enough to provide with a phone number that reaches an actual person. It seems they don’t want any headlines about their e-mail system allowing people to harass by internet anonymously. The investigator has assured me that the culprit has been identified, her internet service suspended, and that Yahoo will press charges on my behalf. I wholeheartedly requested that they pursue that option. If I come home tomorrow to find a bunny boiling on my stove I’m going to be pissed. Not as much as my neighbor of course. I don’t own a rabbit, but he does.