God, I hope those two idiots don’t sit in a tree. They’d probably drop their baby from it. News broke today that Child Welfare Services and a sheriff’s deputy paid a visit to the home of Mr. and Mrs. Spears yesterday. Apparently last week Mr. and Mrs. Britney brought their 6 month old child to the hospital after he had fallen from his high chair. In February of this year Child Welfare Services also visited the esteemed couple after Britney was photographed driving with her then 4 month old child in her lap. This kid already has two strikes against him named Britney and Kevin, the last thing he needs is a head injury.
I rarely venture too far into serious political or social commentary here, but today I think I will. I think that there should be some kind of intelligence test before people are allowed to reproduce. I’m not saying that people with I.Q.’s a tad on the low side shouldn’t be able to reproduce. You don’t have to be smart to be a good parent, you need to have common sense. My Parenting Intelligence Test (PIT) would have prospective parents answer a series of sample questions to test their parenting common sense. Here are a few sample questions:
1. If you are a heavy drinker and you’ve just discovered that you’re pregnant you should:
A) Stop drinking alcohol until after the child is born
B) Drink light beer.
C) Find out who the father is
D) Marry a random back-up dancer and tell him the child is his
2. If your newborn child should awaken crying during the night you should:
A) Check to see if the infant needs to be fed or changed
B) Tell him/her to stop
C) Close the door
D) Tell Kevin that if he wants to keep living in your house he damn well better go take care of that kid.
3. If you are driving your car your child should be:
A) Strapped securely into his car seat.
B) Riding on your lap
C) Home with Kevin. Why would I want to go out in public looking all motherly?
D) Driving the car. I’ve probably already had too much to drink.
4. Your child seems to cry quite often. Too soothe him/her you could:
A) Rock him gently and sing to him.
B) Give him/her a pacifier.
C) Put him in a child swing
D) Tell him/her that Kevin Federline really isn’t his father.