Oh Canada!

I post a brief essay on the narcissism of blogging and I’m overwhelmed by comments from Canadians. Apparently Canada is the most narcissistic country on Earth. To me they have always seemed to be a quiet and unassuming country. Our “neighbor to the North” is what we Americans call them when we want to be politically correct, or if we want to run a pipeline all the way through your country from top to bottom. Canada is a country not known for it’s participation in military conflicts or for political turmoil. I mean really, it’s hard to go to war with a bunch of Dudley Do Right clones riding in on horseback in bright, red uniforms. If that doesn’t say “target practice” to an enemy I don’t know what does. Politics? It strikes me that Canada may be a very lazy country when it comes to politics. Canada was once owned by England. They’re not anymore, but guess who’s queen is still on their money? Did the government just say, “Ah, screw it. If we change the money it will just confuse people.” The province of Quebec, the province that speaks French, is always making noise about seceding to become their own country. Have they ever seceded? No. Has the national government of Canada insisted they stop whining and start speaking English already? No. You know how we’d handle it in the States? Quebec would be given an ultimatum. If you secede we will go to war and make you get back into line. If you don’t secede, you’d better start speaking English or we go to war to make you speak English. Then again, I don’t think the Quebec residents are going to be too fearful of Dudley Do-Right.

Ok, I realize that this post will likely spark hundreds of comments from my Canadian blogging friends, giving me history lessons on Canada, extolling the virtues of the great white north, and also ripping me a new one. All of that will be deserved of course, but I hope none of you takes any real offense. I’m just teasing, and I only tease the ones I love. The real irony is that my high school song was done to the tune of your national anthem, Oh Canada, a fact I didn’t know until long after high school. Don’t be too harsh on me, I live close enough that I could be in your country in just and hour and 15 minutes. You don’t want that to happen do you?

14 responses to “Oh Canada!

  1. …Okay:1. Hail Canada?? LOL2. An Hour and 15 minutes??? From Rochester? Geez Grandpa…could you drive any slower?3. Most of the Yanks I know, are not smart enough to say Canada, as they Call it “Canadia”…so i’ll give you some credit there.4. So we favor indivudualism over conformity…so we arent a country of war mongers to bully parts of our geography into compliance. Cause thats what you are you know, a big bunch of bullys…5. As for our mounties being “Targets”….Funny since the only REAL people that have attacked us, in war…was you guys, in like 1812, and we kicked your ass.6. And as for Quebec…bunch of fucking crybabies if you ask me. Let them go…We’ll see how long that lasts. Because they want to use our money, and have our socialized health care…so they want to be seperate, but take all the benefits of the country they’re in now. ITs like teenagers who want to move out, but have their parents still pay for everything.Besides…In canada, the Only people we hate more than the Yanks?…Are the people in quebec.

  2. Yeah, but you love us anyway!(BTW, I made into your country on the weekend.)

  3. Phil, how politically correct of you to provide a wheelchair next to your word verification!!

  4. I’m from Quebec..I can’t speak french and I want to move to America..lol So there!

  5. “I mean really, it’s hard to go to war with a bunch of Dudley Do Right clones riding in on horseback in bright, red uniforms. If that doesn’t say “target practice” to an enemy I don’t know what does.” As a result of that, I nearly choked on a carrot. That’s awesome. That’s the kind of thing that keeps me coming back even in the face of your facetious response to my last comment. ; )And what can I say? How can I object? We are who we are.

  6. Ooooo. I knew it. Iwas going to say that PP was going to beat your ass! LOL.Oh hey PP! We’re not ALL bullies thank you very much. It’s nice to call each other names you two…especially considering not EVERYONE in either country fall into all these categories.BUT…I do think the little guys in the red outfits and horses are kind of silly looking. :o)

  7. Princess- How perfect that yuou’re the first to comment, and comment, and comment…I defy you to make it to my city in under and hour and 15 min if you stay under 70 mph. Then again since you use that crazy metric system you must not understand our speed limits.We may say Canadia, but at least we don’t say “get oot of here, eh?”Yes, we are a big bullying country. Be careful what you say or we may invade you.I do not remember this ass kicking you speak of. Of course it says you won in YOUR history books. Ours tell a different story.At least our countries agree on hating Quebec. And yes, I’d love to have your socialized health care system.

  8. Tai- Yes, I really do hold no ill will towards you Canucks. Where pray tell in our wonderful land did you choose to visit?Michelle- Yes, I’m wheelchair accessible, AND I let Canadians in. Next blog post destination…Australia!Heidi- Oh, you must be one of the good Quebec people. You are welcome to move here if you ever get tired of having winter 10 months out of every year.Carly-Ann, thank you for coming back in spite of my stupidity. I mean no ill will towards anyone. If I decided to take up making fun of my own country I’d need a whole new blog dedicated to just that subject.Linny- Thanks for chiming in on the side of the good guys. Maybe after I go after Australia I’ll turn my attention to the south.

  9. OHH PHIL.Yes, I may be first to comment, but I learned from the best how to dominate the comment section by being the loudest person on your blog….as you do in Linnys comment section. HOWEVER, I do not refresh commets as often as you do…if you recall, you had to email me to tell me that you commented back. But I digress.I can, and HAVE made it to your city in an hour. However, I do not abide by the 70mph speed trap you set. So there for, I ask again…”Geez Grandpa, can you drive any slower”. And as for the metric system, Funny, you’re the only country that complains about it…but you’re also the only country, (besides Liberia and Burma) who abides by your nonsensical speed limits…MPH. HA. You guys are the last of a dying breed….but try to hang onto your individuality…its cute really.I lived in the states. So I speak from experience. We say “out”…and its actually spelled the same way as you guys do…well, except the bit of you that use “ebonics”. Eh makes us sound like an inquisitive bunch really…Where as we would say “Thats cool eh?”, looking for agreement in attitudes, Yanks say “Dat’s Cool HUH?”…emmiting a gutteral neanderthal sound that basically denotes your position on the evolutionary chain.Invade? The only thing that your country has to back its soldiers up, are weapons of mass destruction. Without them, you’re ALL a big bunch of talk…And besides, go ahead and invade…if it makes you feel like a big tough guy. Oh, when we kicked your ass? War of 1812…We burnt down your white house…LOL!! And about Quebec….at least we agree on ONE thing…lets build from that foundation buddy….

  10. LOL, I’m prepared Phil, hit me!!

  11. I love the Candian anthem, such a nice tune. Everything you’ve said about Canadians pretty much goes for Oz as well. Except that youre not 1 1/2 hours away, unless youre somewhere over the pacific on a Qantas or United.

  12. That’s so funny, your school song was to the tune of the national anthem! What were the words? Please post them.

  13. Yes, by all means, let’s hear the school song. You did yourself a disservice by winking at the end of the post. You should have made the post even more offensive and not apologized for it. Then your comments and traffic would have shot through the roof.

  14. Pingback: Canada Has a Day? | The Phil Factor

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