Los Angeles (UPI) Columbia Pictures announced today that it has entered into a contractual agreement with four previously unknown New York men to produce a series of three feature length films based on their lives. The films will be loosely based on a series of humorous online stories posted by one of the men. In today’s bizarre press conference announcing the unusual project, a Columbia Pictures media representative, who took the podium wearing only a brown paper bag and a pair of boxer shorts stated, “You are totally going to love these films. This has summer blockbuster written all over it.” When asked to describe the previously anonymous subjects of the film, the representative, joined by three similarly clad men who jumped up from the back row of the media throng, shouted “They’re young. They’re tough, and they’re good looking.” The three men then stormed the stage and carried the Columbia pictures spokesperson out of the room on their shoulders while repeatedly chanting their mantra. The men were last seen speeding away from studio headquarters in a maroon PT Cruiser.
Based on Columbia Pictures previous press releases the series of films had garnered so much pre-filming industry buzz that they were fielding offers from several Oscar winning actors who wanted to play The Golden Boys. According to rumors from sources within Columbia, the four New York men the films are based upon demanded the right to choose who plays them in the movie. Here is the original cast list that was given to the media at today’s press conference:
Flip- Matthew Broderick
Gooby- Tom Cruise
Chuck- Owen Wilson
Tom- Matthew McConnahauy
Shortly after today’s public announcement, Columbia Pictures issued a second press release which stated: “Contrary to today’s earlier announcement, all of the characters of The Golden Boys will be played by The Golden Boys themselves. Contractually the men do have the final decision on casting and have expressed to studio executives that they feel that none of the actors are “as good looking or talented as we are.” An unnamed studio executive, who was reached by phone would only give us this comment, “We’re probably screwed on this one. Those guys are idiots. They demanded to be paid in beer.”
That’s it everyone. I’m off for the annual Golden Boy Weekend. I may not post again until Tuesday, if I survive.