Golden Boy Weekend 2006 began with the angry bark of my dog alerting me that strangers were at my door. The poor dog had no idea how strange. We greeted each other as we always do, with the secret Golden Boy handshake. It was when I looked down to take Tom’s hand that I noticed their feet. Actually, it wasn’t their feet I noticed. After knowing them over 30 years I now take it for granted that they have feet at the bottom ends of their legs. Tom and Goob however, are not taking their feet for granted anymore. On their feet they were wearing what they referred to as “Crocs.” Crocs are made of rubber, but look just like the wooden shoes you see in stereotypical pictures of Dutch kids standing next to windmills. Tom’s were a faded yellow and Goob’s were a bright traffic cone orange and were obviously brand spankin’ new that morning. After I recovered from the shock, my feet and their feet helped the rest of our bodies load up Goob’s truck with enough beer to intoxicate a small country. We arrived at my little summer cottage on the lake in the early afternoon, had a few beers on the deck and then as always, headed straight for the golf course for the 2006 Nipple Ring Open. That’s when the real adventure began.
The golf course we went to is a very small, haphazardly maintained course that we like because it isn’t the type of place that puts on airs. Some courses charge you a small fortune to walk on their fairways and insist you adhere to a strict dress code. This is definitely not one of those places. This year however the course had added an outdoor party area and their clubhouse was now a fully functioning bar. As we pulled into the parking lot of our quiet little golf course we were stunned to see that it was almost completely full. Being The Golden Boys we know we‘ve got our loyal fans, but we’d never had this many people come out to see us play. It turns out that someone was having a wedding reception at our golf course! Can you say ‘opportunity’ boys and girls? Good, I knew you could.
The reception hadn’t started when we arrived. We walked in, paid our greens fees and as we were exiting the clubhouse the bride was stepping out of a limo to make her grand entrance. As far as brides go, I’ve seen better, but since there were only three Golden Boys I felt obligated to invite her to make us a foursome. It was her big day after all. As the bride politely turned down my magnanimous offer and swept past us Tom snapped her picture. We then headed to the course to play our own special brand of mediocre golf.
The round of golf began fairly normally, but after a few holes Tom suggested that whoever wins each hole gets to make up a rule that we must all obey through the duration of the next hole. It started innocently enough with the first rule being that we had to play the next hole with only our wedge. The wedge hole was followed by the shirtless hole which was then followed by the wedgie hole. We each hit our drives off the tee with our shorts around our ankles. The next hole we took a very sexually suggestive picture with a bear sculpture that was on the course. (Yes, we have pictures of all of this and eventually some of those pictures will make their way here) All this sounds like fun, but unbeknownst to us the real fun had yet to begin. We finished our round and decided to have a few drinks at the bar.